I submitted a post for the NFL site a few weeks ago but didn’t want to post it here because I was already at 499. Anyway, here is the link to see it in all it’s glory.


Here are some observations after attending the Patriots’ pre-season opener against the defending Super Bowl champion New Orleans Saints last night. I would have made it a Top 10 but I left at halftime.

1. Despite what the owners want you to believe, they’re doing just fine. How do I know this? I paid $40 to park at Gillette Stadium to watch 30 minutes of a pre-season game. In addition, they are charging more for two Budweisers than it costs for a bleacher seat at most MLB parks and only paying the best quarterback in football a meager $6.5 million. Robert Kraft needs to ease up on his extra dry/extra dirty martinis (I know how you roll, Bob, I bartended at the Club for a summer) and pay Tom Brady as much money as Tom Brady wants. That’s not to say the Jets should pay Darrelle Revis; they can’t let him push them around like that. (Darrelle: I’m just kidding, they’ll pay you if you keep holding out. Don’t give in! Screw the man! Get paid, brother! Get paid!!!)

2. There were lots of Wes Welker jerseys. I mean a ton. And not just on the ladies either. Seventy-five percent of the kids under 12 and a lot of grown men as well. As I’ve said in a previous column, it takes a lot for a grown man to rock out the jersey of 5-9 guy who is 10 years their junior, but they were doing it. I would even venture to say that there were as many No. 83’s as there were No. 12’s, and that’s saying something. Welker has the Jacoby Ellsbury/Johnny Damon appeal for women (cute) mixed with the Trot Nixon/Milan Lucic appeal for men (hard-working gamer) mixed with the Nomar Garciaparra/Rajon Rondo appeal for kids (hero). Maybe if the Pats market him correctly, they can afford to give Brady the kind of money that Ben Roethlisberger makes (and then spends on SoCo Lime shots for 19-year-old girls).

3. The defense seems to have improved. This is usually how it goes in the first pre-season game: The offense is trying to find its timing and the defense is going balls-to-the-wall trying to impress the coaches. I thought the Pats front seven looked especially good against the run early on. They exploded off the ball and wrapped up. They were also able to get in Drew Brees’ face more than the golden boy is used to, and were 100 times better in coverage than they were during the massacre in New Orleans last season. I really enjoyed a couple huge tackles from Pat “Everybody Wang” Chung “Tonight,” (pictured) who is poised to become the best Chinese Jamaican in Patriots history.





4. Despite the Justin Bieber haircut, Brady looked great. Sure, there were a few miscommunications, but he seemed as poised as ever and was definitely on the same page with Moss. I don’t think we’ll ever see another scoring outburst like the 2007 season, but he looked like a guy who is ready to lead a balanced and productive offense.

5. Balance is the key, and Bill Belichick showed it last night. Granted, these games are fake and we need to see it when it matters, but it looks they will be trying to do some different things on offense this year. Look for a more balanced running attack and more productivity from the tight ends instead of simply relying on deep balls to Moss, draws to Faulk and 20 passes a game to Welker.

6. Welker’s popular No. 83 jersey may start losing some merchandise sales to Julian Edelman’s No. 11. The guy looked even quicker than last year and makes me feel like Wes will be able to take his time coming back. He will be another fan favorite as long as fans don’t run into him at a bar, in which case he probably won’t be a fan favorite because he’s a complete asshole. True story.

7. Saints fans love to chant “Who Dat!” and I’m OK with it. They’re harmless and they beat Indy in the Super Bowl. I have nothing against Saints fans. I also observed something about myself. I’m really pumped for football season. Perhaps as pumped as I’ve ever been. Let’s do this.

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If you are still checking this blog on a daily basis then you must fall into one of three categories: 1) very dedicated fan, 2) good friend, or 3) my girlfriend.

If you’re in the first category then I must apologize for the unacceptable lack of blogging this summer. It has always been a general rule that when the weather gets nice there is very little ‘Dise, but the month+ gap between posts 499 and 500 is a new low that I’m not proud of. I will be better.

If you’re in the second category then you probably already know that in 2 weeks I’ll be leaving my familiar surroundings in Boston for the giant cesspool known as New York City.

If you’re in the third category it means that you just had to go to Columbia for grad school, and you should probably feel just a little bit guilty. After all, “New York Mike” doesn’t have the same ring to it. (I just threw up a little bit in my mouth).

That said, this post isn’t about bitterness or resentment. The fact is that I am very much looking forward to cohabitation and the adventures that await in the Big Apple. And you never know, the big lights might even inspire me. But while the Sports Fan Paradise headquarters has a new Upper West Side address, Boston will always be my home, and I will be back. Here are 500 things I’ll miss in the meantime…

Living in a city where nearly everybody lives and dies with my favorite teams. That’s what I may miss the most. The feeling that no matter what restaurant you’re eating at between April and October and you can always take a detour from a bathroom run to check the Sox score on the TV above the bar. I’ll miss the buzz of the city when the Celts are making a run, pretending to know about the Bruins, and the way that nobody can concentrate during the last 3 hours of the workday if a playoff game is on that night. I’ll miss the fact that you can ask a random person on the T if they know who is pitching that night and there’s a 75% chance they’ll give you an answer (with a 50% chance that they’re right). I’ll miss the way Fenway shakes after a walk-off homer, and also the way the fans shake off a loss and still head to Game On for a couple more beers. I’ll miss tailgating in Foxboro among a sea of Pats jerseys, and I’ll miss running through the city smoking a cigar when the Celtics win a championship, hugging strangers and dancing in the streets. Oh, and the victory parades. I’ll especially miss those victory parades.

I’ll miss living in a city that you can walk end-to-end in an hour. I’ll miss that I always know where I am and how to get where I’m going, despite the ridiculous layout of the city. I’ll miss calling the subway “the T”, so much so that I plan to continue doing so, despite confused looks.

I’ll miss the places I’ve lived: Cambridge, Charlestown (and yes maybe even Needham a little bit). I’ll miss Cambridge’s restaurants (Central Kitchen, East Coast Grill, and Border Cafe to name a few) and bars (The Field, Charlie’s Beer Garden, and Tommy Doyle’s to name a few more). I’ll miss the chicken wings, mashed potatoes, gravy, mac & cheese and cornbread from Coast Cafe. I’ll miss the tater tots at The Cellar, the double burger at Charlie’s, and the calamari at Temple Bar. I’ll miss the never-ending meat buffet at the Midwest Grille every year on my birthday and just about all 48 items on Basta Pasta’s menu. Eventually I’ll probably miss the freaks, hippies and hipsters in Harvard Square, and maybe even the crackheads in Central. And that’s just in Cambridge.

I suppose I’ll also miss the wasps of Ironside Grill and the young mothers and dog owners of Monument Square, but not as much as I’ll miss the Townie’s that hang out on Bunker Hill Street selling shamrock t-shirts every Saturday and Sunday despite 20 degree temperature. I will miss being a quick freedom trail walk from the North End, and a quick drunk walk back from the Garden bars to my bed. I’ll miss summer evenings at Tavern on the Water, but not as much as I’ll miss fall Sundays in the apartment, watching the Pats and annihilating a Papa Gino’s delivery order. Apparently I’ll also miss the Red Zone channel which is unavailable in NYC unless you get a dish (I’m less than pleased). Oh, and I’ll miss Ben Affleck shooting movies outside our window, but I won’t miss the fact that there was nowhere to park that month.

I’ll miss having a car, but mostly because playing golf will be a lot more difficult. I’ll miss my country club (Leo J. Martin Golf Course) as well as my weekend course (Ponkapoag). I’ll miss gambling at the chip & putt in Lexington and hitting buckets at the first place I ever worked, McGolf in Dedham. If I ever do get a car in New York and my windshield gets busted I’ll definitely miss being able to call the number that more New Englanders trust, 1-800-54-GIANT.

I’ll miss the nightlife, even if it rarely lasts past 2:00. I’ll miss when people ask me “Hey, have you ever been to ______ Bar?” I can say yes about 97% of the time. I’ll miss my favorite cover bands (especially The Zoo and Fast Times) almost as much as I’ll miss the 54 bars in Greater Boston with Big Buck Hunter. I’ll miss Wing Night at Whiskey’s, the pro athlete sightings at Daisy Buchanan’s and pretending to be classy at the Liberty Hotel bars. And even though I’m a few years too old for the Faneuil Hall scene it doesn’t mean I won’t miss the Sausage King, Red’s statue, never going to Cheers because it’s for tourists and watching drunk girls break their high heels in the cobblestone. I’ll also miss the steak-on-a-stick from Hong Kong, but I can promise you that my toilet will not.

I’ll miss Anna’s Taqueria, Regina’s Pizzeria, dollar drafts at An Tain and dollar shots at Razzy’s. I’ll miss Warren Tavern on a Wednesday, The Burren on a Thursday and even Phoenix Landing on a messy Friday. I’ll miss going to the Mods for BC Football pre-game parties and then rooting against the Superfans. I’ll miss getting a cab driver who speaks English, grew up in the area, and probably has a crazy story about somebody who knew Whitey Bulger. I’ll miss going to concerts at Great Woods and I’ll miss people who still call it that. I’ll miss spring, I’ll miss summer, and I’ll miss fall.

But most of all I’ll miss the people. At the end of the day it isn’t the food or the bars or that makes this city home, it’s the family, friends, and friends that have become family. I can’t count exactly how many people I’ll miss but for the sake of the title of this post let’s say it’s around 300, give or take.


So there you have it, 500 reasons why I’ll never be a New Yorker. You can take me out of Boston but you will never take the Boston out of Boston Mike.

See ya at 1,000.

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Yes. You read that correctly. The next SFP blog post will be our 500th. We have some big things planned. So big in fact that it may take a week or so for us to put it up. But so it goes in the summer…you understand.

Until then, feel free to visit the Sports Fan Paradise page at sportsfanlive.com, where I posted an updated list of the 10 Suckiest Athletes in Sports.

I took a bit of a hiatus from SFL due to a contract dispute but I’m happy to say that the holdout is over and I finally arrived at camp. Now I just need to get back in shape.

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My apologies to everybody who sent questions over the last couple months, I appreciate your interest and will do better to answer them in a more timely fashion. SFP has been famous for mailing it in during the summer months and I am certainly not doing anything to repair our image, but still, I’ll try harder.

Here are some quick answers to a few of the questions that still have some relevance.


S(FP)G,

-Jeff, Tampa FL

I predict that Bosh will join Wade in Miami, Stoudemire goes to the Knicks, Boozer signs with Chicago and Joe Johnson stays in Atlanta. How’d I do?

This is one of those questions that I should have probably answered when it was sent (2 weeks ago) but I suppose it still has 24 hours of juice, since King Egomaniac has yet to tell the peasants which team he will be valiantly leading to 2nd-round playoff exits for the next 6 years.

For the record I knew Stoudemire was going to the Knicks, they needed to make a splash, had plenty of money, and he fits into a D’Antoni offense. I figured Joe Johnson would be joining him once Lebron got the Empire State out of his mind, but good for Atlanta I guess. I knew Bosh would play with Wade, and figured it would be in Miami or Chicago. Then I figured Boozer would go where Bosh didn’t and play with Lebron, whether that be in Cleveland or Chicago. But there’s no sense in dwelling on things that have already happened, let’s give The Chosen One some more attention because God damn he deserves it.

If you had asked me yesterday where he was going I would have told you I was 99% sure he would stay in Cleveland. If you asked me this morning when I found out he was hosting a 1 hour prime time special to announce where he was going I would have told you I was 100% sure he was staying in Cleveland. I mean what type of douchebag would block off an hour of ESPN programming to announce that he was leaving his hometown team after failing to win a championship?? That would be so brutal for Cavs fans.

But then Carlos Boozer signed with the Bulls. And then I did a little math. The more I think about it, it makes less and less sense to sign with Cleveland if he truly wants to win a championship. The Knicks are still in the running, not just because of Amar’e but also because of streets to make him feel brand new and the lights to inspire him. But the best fit is clearly Chicago. Derrick Rose and Carlos Boozer are great players, but they aren’t going to lead Chicago to a championship. Throw LeBron in the mix and all of a sudden you have the most explosive and balanced team in the league, with no question as to who is taking the last shot. Oh, and I don’t think there is any way he wants to share the ball (and the spotlight, and the money) with Wade, so I think Bosh and Miami are off the table, despite predictions of a megacongolmopoly.

My official answer is that the Knicks are very much in the running (especially since the press conference is in Greenwich), that the Bulls make the most sense from the perspective of winning titles, but that ultimately Cleveland will prevail because nobody in the world is a big enough prick to crush the hearts of an entire city on national television. Even LeBronze isn’t that big of an asshole…right? What? He is that big of an asshole? Oh. Well I guess tomorrow will be interesting. Text me where he signs, I’ll be at the Meatloaf concert.

No, seriously, I will be.


S(FP)G,

- Josh in D.C.

No buddy, no it can’t. I truly believe that a team of guys from the DL would most likely beat the team we’re trotting out there every night. As I write this I am watching a game in which Darnell McDonald is batting 2nd, Bill Hall is batting 6th, and Kevin Cash is making a mockery out of the catcher position. Seriously, KEVIN CASH!?! What, was Bill Haselman not available??? The fact that a win tonight puts them .5 game back of the Wild Card is mind-boggling.

It’s a shame because of how well they were playing before Pedroia went down, but I have faith that they’ll rebound in the 2nd half. Hopefully Beckett comes back strong and Lackey’s best games are in front of him, because if this team has to rely on Dice-K down the stretch I may start looking for a drug problem. I’ve said it 100 times, he is my least favorite Boston athlete ever. Ricky Davis is #2. That’s where I am on him. Maybe if he shit the bed in a more timely fashion I wouldn’t hate him so much, but if he is going to take his sweet ass time not hitting his spots and getting shelled then he can go back to Tokyo.


S(FP)G,

-Rob in Philly

A) Budweiser. There are very few drinks you can pound on a dance floor and have for breakfast, and very few beers you can drink all week without getting sick of them.

B) Excellent question, one of the best we’ve ever had. I thought about this one for a while. The first few roles that came to me were Tony Montana, Michael Corleone, or Maximus. Problem is, I don’t want to be the dude who sucks in a shitty remake of a classic movie. So that eliminates all of epic performances. I would rather tackle a downplayed part that I could do something with. I would want to be part of an awesome cast with a hilarious script on a set that would be a lot of fun. So I think I would like The Hangover to be remade, word for word, with all the same actors, except me playing Doug. Let’s face it, it’s an easy role that I probably wouldn’t screw up.

That said, if you’re asking me to pick a movie that really should be remade then I’m going to tackle Johnny Hooker in the remake of The Sting.


Mike,

-Karaoke Craig

Bruce. He still has a good album or two left in him.


S(FP)G,

-Pete in Dallas

Yup, these are my fellow Needham High School grads. Go Rockets!

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I have to say I have never been prouder to bleed red, white and blue as I am today. What a dominant performance…we scored like 100% of the goals in that game!

It’s great to see America rallying around something that means so much to us as a country, and anytime you can defeat an athletic superpower like Algeria so decisively it is truly a day to celebrate.

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I don’t want to talk about sports today so I figured I would just post the greatest video in ‘Dise history.

And here is #2:

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A Game 6 blowout was exactly what the doctor ordered. It humbled and pissed off the C’s and it gave the Lakers that extra bit of cockiness that will backfire once Sheed goes nuts on them tonight. For some reason I’m much more confident today than I was Tuesday. Something about the 3-2 cushion that made me feel like we wouldn’t get the Celts best, but I know tonight they will leave it all out there. Couldn’t be more pumped.

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