So I recently got a part time job covering miscellaneous games for the sports info service PA-SportsTicker. Basically phoning in up to the minute updates and compiling post-game quotes. Not glamorous but its a start.

My first assignment would be covering the New York Yankees’ first three spring training home games, and when March 1st rolled around I was pumped to be working in sports again. It’s not a knock against bartending, but I had been itching to do something more than make rum runners with my time in Florida (although I do make a mean rum runner).

Day 1:

I decided to arrive at Legend’s Field in Tampa about an hour early, 30 minutes before my first scheduled call in. I figured this would give me plenty of time to park in the press lot and get my credentials. Turned out to be my first in a series of mistakes. For some reason I had in my head that this was just a casual spring training game, a laid back exhibition, with some Floridians stopping by after work. I guess it slipped my mind that this was Spring Opening Day for the “most storied franchise in all of sport.” Lets just say, I was shocked as I sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic along Dale Mabry Highway leading up to Legends Field. This place was a zoo: scalpers everywhere, tailgating as far as the eye could see, and the awful echo of thousands of New York accents.

As I finally got close to the stadium I managed to get the attention of a parking attendant.
“Where is the press lot?” I asked him.
He just laughed and directed me to follow everyone else into the enormous field lot next to Ray-J (Raymond James Stadium, home of the Bucs, not the rapper in the Kim Kardashian sex tape).

I ended up paying $10 to park, so at this point I am paying for the privilege to work at a Yankees game. Gotta start somewhere. I made my way to the stadium through the fat bald Vinnys and Bronx hoochies until I finally found the press entrance. My credentials weren’t their, but they did have some for Mike Steerety so I just took those.

I got to the pressbox about 20 minutes later than I was supposed to, but since there was a pre-game ceremony I ended up being right on time to phone in the starting lineups and injury updates (Although this was the first day of the spring training Carl Pavano still managed to be listed as questionable…$40 million doesn’t get you what it used to).

I go to take a seat with a good view, since my job hinges on me being able to see the game. Of course there is no assigned seat for SportsTicker, and of course theres only one empty seat in the house. Of course its labeled “New York Times” and of course I decide to sit there anyway. I guess I looked a little unsure of myself because the writer sitting next to me told me that it was fine, and nobody needed that seat. Of course it was it was George Vecsey, 6-time New York Sportswriter of the Year (I didn’t know that at the time, I just Wikied it, but I knew he was important).

(Note: We are at the point where we can say “wikied” as a verb, such as “googled” or “youtubed,” right?)

I am the only one in the press box without a laptop, so that sort of sets me apart right away, that and the fact that I am not in my 50s and haven’t been covering the Yankees since Billy Martin was being hired and fired. I try and position my phone and notebook in a way that makes it appear that I know what I’m doing, and settle in to observe the festivities.

The pre-game ceremony includes a marching band, some 9/11 policemen, and a flyover by some fighter planes followed by the introduction of everyone in the Yankees organization.

(Note: A fighter jet flyover in Tampa is really not a big deal. With McDill Air Force Base miles away even the Little League games get flyovers)

I have never been with a crowd of all Yankee fans (felt like a cross between being at the zoo and what hell must be like) and I was interested to see who got the loudest ovation. This is how the cheers ranked:

1. Joe Torre
2. Yogi Berra
3. Don Mattingly
4. Derek Jeter
5. Johnny Damon
6.-74. Everyone else
75. Doug Mientkiewicz
76. Alex Rodriguez (I suppose there was a smattering of applause, with a smattering of boos, mixed with an overwhelming general sense of whogivesashit)

The first few innings went without a hitch, as I scored the game correctly and phoned-in all the appropriate updates. As the fourth inning concluded everyone in the press box (except me of course) got up and left. I guess they all knew that the starters were done for the day and it was time to get interviews. Now I was really looking forward to gathering quotes, but I couldn’t really go to the clubhouse seeing that my main responsibility was to give updates on the game. So there I was, alone in the Legends Field press box, watching number 83 pitch to number 91 and calling the same phone number every time somebody got a hit.

A few of my observations during my alone time…

- The women at the game were awesome, a combination of the Tampa look (fake everything) with a New Yorker’s lack of self respect. Lets just say a lot was hanging out, and I didn’t have a bad view.

- The Yankees’ first baseman Josh Phelps looks just like John Olerud, I’m patiently waiting for him to wear his helmet while in the field. Its like Olerud froze his sperm when he was 25 so that he could clone himself once he retired.

- John “Way Back!” Wasdin still has a job. Playing baseball. Pitching. Go figure.

- “Copa Cobana” is the Yankees’ choice for an 8th inning pump-up song. How gay is that? That makes “Sweet Caroline” look bad ass.

- George Steinbrenner is old. The highlight of the game may have been when George emerged from his owner’s box to great the fans. It reminded me of Weekend at Bernie’s. Seriously, it was like his entourage was propping him up and moving his arms for him, complete with the sunglasses and hat. Hilarious. I think he’s dead.

THAAAAAAAAA YAANKEES WIIIIIN! The game finally ends, a thrilling 6-1 victory for the millionaires in pinstripes. I make my final call and rush down to the locker room to get quotes. Of course, Jeter is on the 3rd tee at this point, Giambi’s at the pharmacy and A-Rod is at his boyfriend’s house, so the only people for me to talk to are rookies and Miguel Cairo. I fight through the hordes of Japanese reporters fighting to talk to a kid named Kei Igawa and have a few words with Cairo. I wanted to ask him what its like playing for a team that hasn’t won a championship in 6 years, but I stick to general “how does it feel to be back out there” questions.

I leave the locker room after talking to Cairo, feeling a little weird as the only non-Japanese reporter there. I now understand how Bill Murray felt in Lost in Translation, except instead of Scarlet Johansson I meet Suzyn Waldman. Of course.

During the long walk back to my car I felt relieved to have survived my first real trip into Yankee Nation. Hopefully Game 2 will go a little smoother, but I doubt it.

Day 2:

My goal for the second game of the spring was to succeed at blending in with the “real” reporters. I got to the park about 2 hours before game time, to ensure that I had plenty of time to deal with any issues that might arise. As it turned out I made it to the press box and took care of my pre-game duties and still had an hour and a half to kill. Just enough time to use my all access pass to wander around the stadium and get into a little trouble.

I made my way down to the cafeteria area, which was empty except for a security guard and a wrapped tray of brownies. I wasn’t hungry but I loved the idea of getting something for free from Steinbrenner (sort of like Pavano but I just took a brownie). As it turned out, that security guard was there to make sure nobody took any brownies from the tray meant for a private party. He yelled a little and I offered to put it back, but he said I’d already touched it so I couldn’t put it back, and to throw it out, but I said that it would be a waste to throw it out and that I should eat it, but he didn’t like that either. Long story short we ended up splitting the brownie.

My next stop was to the little practice field on the side of the stadium, where the Yankees pitchers were going through some drills, but mostly just joking around. There was a throng of reporters waiting for them to finish, all of whom were Japanese. Lost in translation: part deux. I decided that instead of feeling uncomfortable as I had in the locker room on Monday I would try to blend in. I struck up a conversation with one of the reporters, asking him some questions about Japanese baseball, where he lived in Japan and whether or not he knew Dice-K. He looked at me for a moment and said simply “I’m from Taiwan.” Strike two.

The pitchers finally came off the field, and I asked Andy Pettitte (or Mrs. Clemens, as he is known at home) how it felt to be back in New York. “Good,” he said, and walked off. (My first exclusive interview was in the bag. Score!).

Now I’m not as much of a name-dropper as Jeff Sneider, but lets just say that Keith Olberman is a genuinely nice guy. We got to chat for a few minutes when I got back up to the press box (I think he was doing some radio work, not sure). Between that conversation and overhearing a best-selling author admit that he was “banging-out a half-assed column,” I we feeling pretty good about my decision to arrive early that day.

I won’t bore you with any stories from a less than thrilling 4-3 Yankees spring victory. Lets just say it gave me some time to do some serious Facebooking (which, with my busy schedule, is always appreciated).

In retrospect, my stint covering the Yankees, albeit brief, was one that I will never forget. You have to start somewhere, and I suppose I was lucky enough to start with “The Most Storied Franchise in All of Sport.” Whatever.

(Note: This column was originally written in March, when the Yankees were 3-0 in the spring. All I have to say is…11 games.)