Archive for June, 2007

So here are the standings going into the 2nd show (not just based on the odds, but also on how well they’re doing):

1. Megan
2. Adelaide (keep in mind I have not heard either of the top 2 say a word yet)
3. Jayanna
4. Lynn
5. Maria
6. Angela
7. Tessa
8. Amanda
9. Mary
10. Lauren
11. Kelli
12. Jen

The show begins with Philly admitting that the addition of the six 20-year-old babes will make this “a wild ride.” Yeah, no shit.

It turns out that they have put the young ladies on the 20th floor of this large hotel, the older ones way up on the 40th and Mark somewhere in between. Thats just good writing.

Mark meets the Kittens first thing in the morning, and some of his first impressions surprised me, like when he said Lauren was hot, which I just don’t see (She is the first girl that he has met born after Bill Russell was playing for the Celts, so that may have something to do with it). The next girl out is Adelaide, and it turns out that she was born in Australia! Philly agrees with me that she is beautiful, and pending Megan’s intro Ade might have just taken the top spot.

Amanda is the 3rd out of the gate, and Mark immediately noticed her smile (aka her huge rack). She says in her sidebar interview that she has been through plenty of stuff by 25, and frankly, she looks it. That smile that Mark loved never went away, I’m sensing botox.

Bubbly Mary is next, stuttering all over herself. The nerves didn’t help her cause.

OK heres Tessa, who will definitely be the most YouTubed Kitten (didn’t take long). Mark admits that maintaining eye contact with the hottie was difficult, and that he didn’t remember anything she said. Mark my words, after seeing this display I firmly believe that Tessa has a shot at this.

Here comes 21-year-old Megan, the baby of the group. Mark comments on her beautiful blue eyes before they join the rest of the girls. Now is when I should mention that I may have overrated Mark’s class. He seemed much more impressed by busty Tessa and plastic Amanda then Megan, which makes me think that my odds may be in jeopardy.

Philly opens the 2nd segment saying that he is “excited to meet the girls, and can’t wait to spend time with each of them” (as he says “each of them” they focus on Tessa’s breasts. Thats just great directing).

After a couple drinks, Mark looks for a girl that “sticks out” (another zoom on the twins). He takes Tessa off to the side to get to know her, and within 30 seconds she admits that she and her dog have the same personality. Mark isn’t impressed. My odds are back on track.

He hops in the pool with the girls, and after some long moments of silence he begins to wonder what the 40-year-olds are doing (turns out that they’re dancing around in their pajamas, of course). He begins to chat with the Kittens, and finds out that none of them have real jobs, they are all students or caterers or dancers. For some reason this is a problem with him.

Mark tells Megan that he is learning to fly planes, in which she responds that she hates planes. Thanks a lot Meg, just when I was ready to crown you…

“Adelaide (right) is the first one that I felt an attraction and chemistry with.” Welcome to the top spot Ade! (Nice knowing you Megan).

(Sidenote: Mary is cuter than I thought…+ points)

It’s time for Mark to hang out with the Cougars for a retro-themed roller skating party. He seems genuinely excited and admits that the older broads are more fun. I’ll admit, they all looked pretty hot. We’re gonna need to make some adjustments to those odds.

Angela won a limbo contest and scored a solo date with Mark, which went well but was quickly crashed by Jen, 48. Mark told the ancient one that she looked incredible for her age, and Jen thought that it would be a good time to talk about her 25-year-old son. Yeah. There is no way Jen wins this thing.

Philly chooses the 3 Kittens who made the best impression on him for a 4-way date: Megan, Adelaide and Amanda. Oh, its on! Mark calls the girls to ask them out but they had some trouble figuring out how to answer the phone. I’m pretty sure “stupidity” is going to become a theme.

The date included some champagne, munchies, and a game of Dance Dance Revolution (which Mark got really in to, but hey I’m not judging). Ade took our boy aside and told him that she really liked him…a move that could either work wonders or blow up in her face.

The sun has now set and we are finally ready for the elimination ceremony, where 1 Cougar and 1 Kitten will be sent packing. The Kittens are pregamming for the event, taking shots of vodka and talking trash about the old women, while the Cougars sit around nervously.

The two groups meet for the first time at the ceremony and all the cards are put on the table. Both sides seem confident, though, not nearly as catty as I thought it would be.

Time to eliminate, as Mark calls the girls down one by one. He first calls Tessa, saying that he hopes to get to know her and asks her to stay (big shock). Maria is next and he still seems to like her, shes staying. Here comes Mary, by far the most nervous of getting kicked off, but she gets a pass and flashes a huge smile (+ points). Jayanna gets the call, and is told to keep doing whatever shes doing. Cutie Megan breezes through the face to face without a problem, as does Lynn (the 40yo version of Rachel McAdams), and Amanda (who I still think is overrated). “Theres something there” with Kelli, which is enough to keep her around, and its now down to 2 Kittens (Lauren and Adelaide) and 2 Cougars (Jen and Angela).

I think Jen is toast, shes just too old. As for Ade, she may have shot herself in the foot by coming on so strong, but shes too pretty to get the boot this early. The only thing larger than Lauren’s ego is the gap in her teeth, and I would love to see her make an early exit.

Lauren gets the call, and just as I thought she is sent packing (Mark just didn’t think it would work out). Ade, already safe, has a nice moment with Mark before rejoining the rest of the women. Jen admits that she would be broken hearted if she got eliminated, but gets called up next (shes gone). Mark looks at her and admits that she has opened up his eyes to dating older women and that there “might be something there…would you please stay?”

WHAT!?! Shocker of the week! I guess Jen’s power play over Angela at the bowling alley really paid off. I’m dumbfounded.

Angela says her tearful goodbye and we find out that next week the Kittens and Cougars will all move in together (I’m not sure which floor they’ll move to but I’m pumped anyway).

Before I go I suppose I should update the standings:

1. Jayanna, 39 (theres something about her that he likes)
2. Adelaide, 26 (her bold move may have paid off)
3. Megan, 24 (her smile could stop traffic)
4. Mary, 24 (she escaped the first cut, and I misjudged her looks)
5. Maria, 42 (definitely the best attitude in the field, could take her far)
6. Amanda, 25 (shes a wild card, hot but fake, could go either way)
7. Lynn, 40 (needs to open up, its a short show)
8. Tessa, 23 (could be 1, could be 10, all about where his heads at)
9. Kelli, 40 (looked really hot rollerskating)
10. Jen, 48 (I don’t care what he says, she was born in the 50s)

Thats all for now, laaaate.

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I you know me than you know that there is nothing that I like more than a good Real World/Road Rules Challenge. Whether it be a Gauntlet, Inferno, Duel, Fresh Meat, whatever…I just love these things.

This season in the Inferno 3, MTV has once again pitted the “Good Guys” against the “Bad Asses.” Now, I am usually a huge Good Guy fan, always have been, but this season for some reason I am pulling for the Bad Asses hard, and here’s why:

- The show took a big hit in the first episode when CT got kicked off for punching Davis, and in the process depriving us of what was sure to be 100 or so incredible CT moments. He was coming into the show without his girlfriend Diem and was ready to be his old bad ass self, but then he had to go off and hit the gay kid. Its a shame.
ANYWAY, CT ended up being replaced by Derrick, who may just be my favorite Challenge personality of all time. He is the true underdog: tough as nails, almost impossible to defeat in a Gauntlet or Inferno but always getting the boot right before the final mission. If there was ever a consensus fan favorite in these things it would be him, no doubt. (I even got my Dad to watch an episode and Derrick is already his favorite character on the show).

-Speaking of fan favorites, another reason that I have jumped from the Good Guy ship is the premature elimination (on a disqualification no less) of Timmy, who puts the Good in Good Guys and is a first ballot RW/RR Challenge Hall of Famer. He was the heart and soul of the Good Guy team and without him there just wasn’t anyone to really get behind.

-With Timmy out, Davis being a prissy first-timer and Ace and Johnny Bananas having a party-first mentality, it was up to Alton to lead for the boys in blue. Historically Alton is the best athlete in these things, but for some reason this season was not his shining moment. He underachieved the entire time, opted to sit out of a challenge because he wouldn’t man-up and wear a Speedo, and a couple of times got his ass kicked by girls on the other team (to be fair there is not real confirmation that Bad Asser Evelyn is actually a girl). Either way, this season was far from a typical God-like performance from Alton.

-Abram is the man. The defunct captain of the Bad Asses may be the funniest guy on the show. (Kenny would give him a run for his money if it weren’t for his constant “I’m so good looking” comments that are about as old and used-up as Tonya).

-I’m sick of Aneesa. She’s fat and slow and always getting hurt, but for some reason she doesn’t seem to have a clue as to how weak she is. “I’m a competitor” seems to be her slogan, and her logic for calling herself a valuable asset. What the hell does that mean? She can’t compete at anything, not successfully anyway. Thank god Paula knocked her off in the final Inferno to give the Bad Asses a legitimate chance at making good time in the final challenge. With Aneesa holding them back the team would have been screwed.

-Susie sucks, I’m sorry. She tries to come off as the nice girl when in reality she is as fake as they come. Her typical alliance with Cara is overplayed and pisses everyone off. She acts like she is somehow entitled to the prize money and if she flashes one more of those fake smiles I thi-…you know what maybe I take this show too seriously.

On that note I need to hit up the DVR to check out last night’s Age of Love. Don’t worry, a review will be coming shortly.

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Now that Jack Bauer’s day is over and Tony Soprano has left my life its time to find a summer TV show that can get my juices flowing.

I’m 98% sure that the show will be “Age of Love” premiering in about 14 minutes. After seeing just 1 promo was hooked.

The Plot: 30-year-old tennis hunk Mark Philippoussis stars as the bachelor in this rip-off of every other dating show since Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire? but with a GREAT twist: Mark has to choose a mate from a field of beautiful women, half of which are in their 40s and half in their 20s.

The intro to the show includes some classic lines, such as “Mark thinks he signed up for a typical dating show, and is expecting to meet a group of women that are as young as they are beautiful…he’s only half right” and “She could be my mom, the thought of that sort of freaks me out.”

We meet the cougars first, and I must say they all look much younger than Greg Oden. Some of them are pretty hot, but the others look more like the kind of 40-year-olds you would see on a reality show, a few too many trips to Dr. 90210.

The host is revealed at 9:06 EST as Mark Consuelos (Mr. Kelly Ripa). He breaks it to the girls that he is not the bachelor, but that the real one is a lot taller. Very interesting choice here, seeing that the host of these shows are typically much uglier than then main attraction. In addition the fact that Consuelos and Philippoussis are both named Mark, they look like they could be brothers. If it weren’t for 12 inches and an Aussie accent this would be a very confusing show.

The women, one by one, walk out to meet Philly (I refuse to type Philippoussis all summer). At first, he seems surprised but intrigued that the first couple women were in their 40s, but seemed confident that the babes would start getting younger. He was pleased to see Jodie who looks like a 29-year-old bombshell, but was shocked to learn that she was 46. The surprised look never leaves his face as he meets the rest of the women, slowly figuring out the twist.

The show includes the usual mingling, catty comments and a 4-way date, as Philly tries to get to know some of the old ladies by taking them repelling off of a building. You can start to tell which of the cougars will have a chance and which are just too washed up.

Here is a rundown of how I see this shaking down, complete with odds of winning the whole thing…

Jodie, 46
Definitely looks the hottest of the 45+ club, but Philly is going to want kids, and I’m afraid her biological clock is at like 11:57.
Odds: 100-1

Jen, 48
Definitely the coolest career of all the women, as “Assistant to the Owner of the L.A. Lakers.” Not sure what favors she does for Jerry Buss, but lets just assume she’s too old for the 73-year-old owner. Oh, yeah, and her son is 25. Maybe he and Philly could hang out, and, well, do what young people do.
Odds: 200-1

Jayanna, 39 (left)
Successful, confident, classically pretty and young enough to pop a couple out. Definitely a contender.
Odds: 6-1

Maria, 42
Fiery Latina who Mark seems to be intrigued by right away. Probably going to be in the mix, but still a long shot.
Odds: 14-1

Lynn, 40
Has everything but “that one special person.” Big smile, cute and reminds me of what Rachel McAdams will look like in 15 years (if shes lucky). If the personality works I give her about the same chance as Jayanna.
Odds: 6-1

Angela, 40
Combines hot and cute in a way that makes her an impact player from the start. Philly questioned her shyness but they made a connection at the elimination.
Odds: 8-1

Kelli, 40
Nice work, McNamara and Troy, but she looks a little too much like a washed up blonde porn star who would visit Alex’s strip club in Saugus, MA on a comeback tour. She could turn out to be a nice woman and make a few cuts, but I just don’t think she can win.
Odds: 150-1

The episode ends as Philly eliminates Jodie, saying that their conversation the night before led him to believe that they would make better friends (Translation: You have a son who I could legally drink with, please leave). He then tells Jayanna that she blew him away that day, which was followed by the wind blowing up Jayanna’s skirt in a very Mrs. Robinson-esque moment. Not sure if the producers had a hand in the wind or not.

The cougars leave, and then finally, in the big exciting moment, the six 20-year-old hotties are revealed, to the utter delight of the tennis star.

We didn’t really get to know the kids, but here are my first impressions (”Based on looks and looks alone,” which was always my favorite part of Singled Out):

Tessa, 23 (right)
Ok, so she has fake boobs, a fake tan, and fake blonde hair. Shes smokin hot, sue me. Truth is, the few Tessa quotes that they gave us made her sound bitchy, dumb and self-centered, to the point that I don’t think even the biggest scumbag could keep her around for visual and physical purposes (that is, with the nation watching).
Odds: 15-1

Lauren, 27
Looks like she could have been one of Theo Huxtable’s older sisters.
Odds: 25-1

Adelaide, 26
Reminds me of a girl who Tom Brady would get pregnant. Runway model looks give her an early boost, personality pending.
Odds: 5-1

Mary, 24
Looks like a cross between the oldest wife in Big Love and that Irene chick from Real World: Seattle…might as well be 40.
Odds: 20-1

Amanda, 25
Reminds me of a certain tall brunette porn star, complete with the fake boobs and lips. A personality is a long shot and I can’t picture Philly bringing her down under to meet the parents.
Odds: 19-1

Megan, 24
Cute as hell, tremendous smile. If she can carry half a conversation she’s going to the semis.
Odds 7-2

I see this as a classic risk/reward situation. Would you rather Brett Favre or Brady Quinn? You know what you’re getting with Favre, and you probably have a better chance of winning now, but how long can it really last? You only have a good 3-4 years max. Now with Quinn, you have a future, but there are many more variables: will he live up to the hype? is he just a pretty face? or worse, will he be great and then leave as a free agent for more money?

Good luck, Mark Philappoussis, and God speed.

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