Archive for July, 2007

The Non-Expert’s NFL Preseason Report

Why wait until training camps open to preview the upcoming NFL season?

While legitimate sports news sources will wait to provide the most accurate reports, this site will go right ahead and plow through all 8 divisions with projected standings and fearless predictions.

AFC EAST

1. Your New England Patriots

Outlook: So I guess picking up the three best available wide receivers and the best defensive free agent means that we’re going with the Yankee mentality this year: Anything less than winning it all is a failure.

Key Player: Most would say Randy Moss, and whether or not he will have a positive or negative impact on and off the field blah blah blah. Listen, Tom Brady got this team 10 minutes away from the Super Bowl with Bugeye Caldwell as his top target. Moss needs this team more than they need him, and with coach Bill Belichick and Brady in complete control of that locker room, he will conform. The key player for the Pats this year will certainly be sophomore running back Laurence Maroney, as we see whether or not he can be effective as a featured back.

Game to Watch: 11/4 @ Indianapolis…for the first time in this young rivalry the pressure is on the Patriots.

Madden Implications: With the right side triangle of Moss (we used to ban the Vikings when he could catch everything), Maroney, and super fast tight end Ben Watson, not to mention the best defensive front 7 in the game, we could be looking at the greatest Madden team ever.

2. New York Jets

Outlook: They weren’t as busy this off-season as the rest of the AFC Beast, but they were able to replace recently retired Curtis Martin with ex-Bear Thomas Jones. With Mangenious at the helm the Jets are looking at another 10 win season and possible playoff berth.

Key Player: MLB Jonathan Vilma leads the defense while 2nd year guys Nick Mangold and D’Brickashaw Ferguson anchor a young offensive line. The key player however is 31-year-old Chad Pennington, who needs to stay healthy, since backup Kellen Clemens has only thrown 1 pass in his NFL career.

Game to Watch: 12/30 vs. Kansas City…this week 17 match-up could easily determine a playoff spot for both bubble teams.

Madden Implications: Vilma is always fun to roam with and Jones is a good addition, but the real virtual star on the team is La-la-la…Laaaveranues Coles, whose speed is usually around 96. Get it to him in the open field and put 6 on the board.

3. Miami Dolphins

Outlook: Even if the Miami Dolphins’ defense plays out of their minds like they did last year, the O still need to put points on the board. The big question is whether or not Trent Green (who still may be somewhat concussed) will be able to lead what was a struggling ‘06 offense that didn’t do much to improve their less than stellar line. Waiting in the wings at QB is 2nd round pick John “Big Love” Beck out of Brigham Young, who might see some time by week 12 if the season is already in the tank. (And yes, I am going to do everything I can to make “Big Love” catch on as the Utah rookie’s nickname).

Key Player: There is some pressure on top pick Ted Ginn Jr. to make ‘Phins fans forget that the team passed on Brady Quinn to take him, but he isn’t even going to be a starter. The most important player for Miami could be Zach Thomas. The pro bowl middle linebacker is entering his 12th season and needs to show that he can still lead a dominant defense.

Game to Watch: 9/23 @ NY Jets…a big divisional road game to kick-off a “must-win” stretch of the Raiders, Texans and Browns.

Madden Implications: A host of solid WRs: Chris Chambers, Marty Booker, Ginn, and the ever-dangerous-as-long-as-its-not-real-life Az Hakim. Now only if the game would let you put Jason Taylor at tight end.


4. The Mighty Bills of Buffalo

Outlook: Like a Buffalo weather report: mostly bleak with a chance of a flurry. A rookie starting middle linebacker, a rookie starting tailback, and J.P. Losman (right) at the helm is not a winning formula.

Key Player: Speedster Terrence McGee leads a solid, young secondary. Look for him to bounce back after a quiet 2006 season, both in his interception numbers and his kickoff returns.

Game to Watch: 9/16 @ Pittsburgh…should be won in the trenches, a big road test before heading to Foxboro.

Madden Implications: Do not use this team. I don’t care if you’re from Buffalo, hell I don’t care if your father owns the team, pick another squad. Whoever dons the Peerless Price jersey on next year’s Madden Nation will be kicked off the bus before you can say “THIS IS HOW WE DO!!!”

AFC NORTH

1. Baltimore Ravens

Outlook: Willis McGahee should fit in nicely with the run-first Ravens, and with an aging but healthy Steve McNair the offense should be better fit to compete with the high scoring Bengals. The story of this team, as always, is their defense. They seem to lose key front-7 guys every year but remain strong. Why? Ray Lewis.

Key Player: With the loss of stud pass rusher Adalius Thomas, it will be up to 5th year D-end Terrell Suggs to get in the faces of Carson Palmer and Ben Roethlisberger.

Game to Watch: 12/3 vs. New England…if they want to be the top team in the East then they need to take down the Pats at home on Monday Night Football.

Madden Implications: Always a top team. Still one of the best defenses in the game (filthy secondary) and with Todd Heap and McGahee they can move the ball. If you play a slow, methodical, ball-control style of Madden then they are a great choice.

2. Pittsburgh Steelers

Outlook: The last time the Pittsburgh Steelers hired a new head coach George Bush was in office. Not the Will Ferrell Bush, the Dana Carvey Bush. The key to the season will be how the team responds to rookie skipper Mike Tomlin and whether or not Roethlisberger can come all the way back from a disastrous (motorcycle accident/appendectomy/75.4 QB rating) 2006 campaign.

Key Player: This experienced defense is led by the highest-paid safety in the league, Troy “Don’t Call Me Fatu From The WWF” Polamalu, whose newly-inked deal also makes him the highest paid Steeler ever. He is generally a run stopper but will need to play back more if the Steelers want to improve on their 20th ranked pass defense of a year ago.

Game to Watch: 12/16 vs. Jacksonville…look for both teams to come into this Week 15 battle at 9-5 or 8-6 and fighting for a wild card spot.

Madden Implications: Fun team to play with. Great run-stopping defense and lots of speed on offense, with Willie Parker, Hines Ward and Santonio Holmes. Look to throw to Parker out of the backfield and TE Heath Miller in the red zone.

3. Cincinnati Bengals

Outlook: As long as they can keep all or most of their starters out of jail they should be able to improve on last year’s 8-8 season. Carson Palmer is healthy and that is very bad news for the rest of the division. Look for them to score a lot of points but struggle to keep their opponents off the scoreboard. They allowed a league-worst 238.6 yards per game through the air last season.

Key Players: Capable yet underachieving corner Deltha O’Neal and 2nd-year D-back Johnathan Joseph need to cover more grass while smoking less of it if this troubled team is going to make a playoff run.

Game to Watch: 9/10 vs. Baltimore…if they’re going to make a run at the division they should win the opener at home against the defending North champs.

Madden Implications: Excellent choice if you want to run up the score on some chump. Rudi Johnson can pound the ball and keep 7 or 8 guys in the box while you send Chad Johnson and T.J. Whosyomamma (the best 1-2 punch at WR east of Indianapolis) down field for touchdown after touchdown.

4. The Mighty Browns of Cleveland

Outlook: They had the best draft of any team in the division. What does that mean for this season? Probably not a lot. Brady Quinn didn’t wow anyone at mini camp and should only see time if the season is lost. Joe Thomas joined a solid offensive line and will block in front of newly-acquired Jamal Lewis, a running game that will be the highlight of the Browns attack.

Key Player: In Romeo Crennel’s 3-4 defense its up to the right outside linebacker to rush the quarterback, and no Brown did it better last year than Kamerion Wimbley. His 11 sacks as a rookie was most on his team by more than 6, and if the Browns have any chance at making a playoff run he can’t afford a sophomore slump.

Game to Watch: 9/9 vs. Pittsburgh…the Browns host all 3 of the aforementioned North teams in the first 4 weeks of the season, and need to win at least 2 if they’re going to contend in a tough division. Why not win the opener in front of a raucous crowd that hates everything black and gold?

Madden Implications: Lewis is always a beast but you can’t win a Madden game with Charlie Frye at QB. Try starting Quinn, maybe you’ll get lucky and they will overrate him.

AFC SOUTH

1. Indianapolis Colts

Outlook: Expect a let down after a magical Super Bowl season. They have always been able to throw all day, but last year’s Indianapolis Colts ran the ball and played defense too. Those two areas took hits in the off-season, with the loss of runner Dominic Rhodes and linebacker Cato June. They still have two of the most dynamic defenders in the game in Dwight Freeney and Bob Sanders, and a Peyton Manning-led offense that shows no signs of slowing down. 12 wins is by no means a stretch.

Key Player: The Colts snagged THE Anthony Gonzalez with the last pick in the 1st round of the ‘07 draft, who should slide right into the Brandon Stokely role as a slot receiver.

Game to Watch: 9/6 vs. New Orleans…the Colts have 4 really tough games: @ San Diego, @ Jacksonville, home for New England and then @ Baltimore, but opening the NFL season at home against the high flying Saints (America’s new team) will be a big deal for them. It’ll be interesting to see how the Dungy Bunch handles the emotions.

Madden Implications: Would you rather have Marvin Harrison or Randy Moss? I’ll take the taller one, which means the Colts will have only the 2nd best offensive attack in the game. And unless you consider Joseph Addai a legitimate ground threat they have to be considered a one-dimensional team.

2. Tennessee Titans

Outlook: The team improved to 8-8 last season after a 4-12 job in 2005, and they should improve to a winning record and possible playoff birth in ‘07. Vince Young will only be better this year and if any coach can get the most out of a youthful team its Jeff Fischer.

Key Player: The Titans plucked corner Nick Harper from the division rival Colts, and he will need to step up and fill the shoes of the suspended Pacman Jones (left, 51 tackles, 4 INTs last season). Hopefully Harper can fill the void on the field, but we all know that nobody can make it rain like Pacman off of it.

Game to Watch: 12/30 @ Indianapolis…a Tennessee playoff birth might be on the line in this week 17 contest, while Indy will most likely have already clinched. Vince should take advantage of the turf and run all over a complacent Colts’ D.

Madden Implications: Young is the new Vick, so make sure you spy him if you’re playing against the Titans. I recommend putting a fast safety at linebacker to shadow the speedy QB.

3. Jacksonville Jaguars

Outlook: Byron Leftwich is supposedly their guy at QB, but with David Garrard always staying loose and the team talking with Daunte Culpepper it doesn’t seem like they have much confidence in Leftwich. Hopefully for Jags fans the annual quarterback controversy won’t hurt Jack Del Rio’s squad, which is built around a solid defense and the 2-headed running attack of Fred Taylor and Maurice Jones-Drew.

Key Player: Jacksonville probably has the best three-man middle of any defense in the league. 6-6, 300 lb. Marcus Stroud and 6-7, 325 lb. John Henderson get a lot of recognition at the D-tackle positions but their best player may be middle linebacker Mike Peterson. While the 31-year-old Peterson is coming off an injury plagued season (only playing in 5 games last year) he looks to return to his ‘05 form, where he ranked 9th in the NFL with 132 tackles.

Game to Watch: 11/11 @ Tennessee…If they want to make the playoffs they probably need to beat the Titans twice.

Madden Implications: The 6′6” Matt Jones can go up and get some balls, always a good thing if you need a late score. MoJo can fly and I have a feeling they will make him sick this year, and you can platoon him with Fred Taylor so fatigue shouldn’t be an issue.

4. The Mighty Texans of Houston

Outlook: The Texans have never had a winning season, and I can’t imagine that changing this year. Their fans are excited about the addition of Matt Schaub (who has never been an NFL starter) and Ahman Green (entering his 10th year), but neither will be able to save this lackluster offense.

Key Player: Anthony Weaver was a disappointing free agent signing acquisition for Houston last year, but he will need to step up and lead a very young defensive line. The front four has an average age of 23 and features 2 promising youngsters in Mario Williams and Amobi Okoye.

Game to Watch: 10/21 vs. Tennessee…its always fun to watch the Houston faithful cringe as Vince Young displays his talent and shows them what might have been.

Madden Implications: There are about 29 teams that I would rather play with, but WR Andre Johnson is fast as hell. Sure, he’ll be double teamed, but give it to him anyway, its your only hope.

AFC WEST

1. The San Diego Super Chargers

Outlook: How does a team improve on a 14-2 season? Win a playoff game. Martyball is out in southern Cal and Norv Turner is at the helm, partly because of Schottenheimer’s perceived inability to win in January. I’m not sure how bringing in Turner (1-1 career playoff record) will solve that problem, but this team is so stacked with talent that Rick Moranis could lead them to a division title.

Key Player: Take your pick. They have arguably the game’s best all-around player (LaDainian Tomlinson), best tight end (Antonio Gates), best defender (Shawne Merriman, right), and a quarterback with the 4th best rating in the conference last year (Philip Rivers). I’ll go with the anchor of the defense however and say that nose tackle Jamal Williams is the key guy on a squad that allowed an average of less than 19 points per game last year.

Game to Watch: 11/25 vs. Baltimore…it will be interesting to see if LT and company can move the ball against a run defense that ranked 1st in the AFC last season.

Madden Implications: Besides that Pats this will be by far the most fun team to use. LaDainian can do it all, Gates is a monster and Merriman is the fastest pass rusher in the game. The only way to stop them is to run a double TE with 8 in the box and force Rivers to beat you.

2. Kansas City Chiefs

Outlook: They will go as far as stud running back Larry Johnson takes them. Coach Herman Edwards has built this team to pound the ball and play good defense, and if healthy thats what they’ll do. By plucking linebacker Donnie Edwards from San Diego in the off season they hope to improve a defense that ranked last in the division last year.

Key Player: Left Guard Brian Waters is one of the best in the business, and the main blocker for #27. He leads an experienced O-line which is performs well every year and is the key to Chef success.

Game to Watch: 12/30 @ NY Jets…Herm Edwards returns to the Meadowlands for a showdown of 2 potential 9 or 10 win teams.

Madden Implications: Not much of an air attack except for Tony Gonzalez, but their defense is improved and LJ will break tackles all day long.

3. Denver Broncos

Outlook: This will be an interesting year for the Mile High club. They have spent the off-season mourning the loss of defensive back Darrent Williams, who died in a New Year’s Eve drive-by shooting, and will start the season with a 2nd-year QB in Jay Cutler. While Cutler showed promise at the end of last year he is by no means a finished product, and Broncos fans might need to prepare themselves for a bit of a rebuilding year. This is still a very solid team though, and 9 wins is by no means a stretch, even in a tough division.

Key Player: Newly aquired corner Dre Bly will have to step in for Williams. Playing opposite Champ Bailey means that nearly every downfield pass will be to his side.

Game to Watch: 11/11 @ Kansas City…the Broncos haven’t won in KC since an overtime thriller in 2002. They play in Indy and in Chicago, and if they’re to make the playoffs they need to win some road games, especially in the division.

Madden Implications: Cutler has a cannon and some good targets (Javon Walker being one), they can run the ball with any of 3 guys and they always have a solid defense. Good team to use against a Vick or Vince Young since they have fast linebackers.


4. The Mighty Raydas of Oakland

Outlook: After a 2-14 debacle last year there is nowhere to go but up. Number 1 overall pick JaMarcus Russell is a year+ away from helping the team and for some reason the Raider brass didn’t add enough off-season talent to an offense that ranked dead last in the NFL last year. They did, however, have the best passing defense in the land in ‘06, and will look to the defense to carry them to a semi-respectable season. This team has a 6-win ceiling, and 6 is pushing it.

Key Player: Lousville RB Michael Bush may have been the steal of the draft as the 100th pick, but he is sitting at 4th on the depth chart. Former Colt Dominic Rhodes will be key to Oakland, as they will need a solid running attack to balance with their defense. The passing game is a lost cause. To be honest though, when your offense is this bad the most important guy on your team is the punter, and the Raiders have the best in the business in Shane Lechler.

Game to Watch: (If you have to watch a Raiders game) 10/14 @ San Diego…some people don’t realize this, but the Raiders have the biggest homefield advantage of any team in the NFL. That is, if they leave Oakland and drive south. When the Black and Silver play in San Diego all of the LA gansters fill the stands and intimidate the crap out of the laid back Charger faithful.

Madden Implications: Hopefully they made top pick Russell better than real life. If not it could be a long game. You have Warren Sapp on D, but he certainly doesn’t do what he used to do. Bright spot: Lechler should have another 99 rating this year.

NFC EAST

1. Philadelphia Eagles

Outlook: They remind me very much of the Patriots in the last 6 years: Great coach, great quarterback, passionate fans, consistent winning. Despite frequent personnel change the Eagles and their west coast offense seem to be mainstays atop the NFC East. Philly has won 12 or more games in each of the past 3 seasons in which Donovan McNabb has been healthy. While there are no guarantees that he will start 16 games in ‘07, he should be ready to go in the opener. The biggest question on defense is whether or not recent acquisition Takeo Spikes, entering his 10th season, can still be a 120-tackle-a-year guy.

Key Player: Brian Westbrook may be the most underrated offensive player in the NFL. He has gained 1,000 all-purpose yards in each of the last 4 seasons, accumulating 1,916 yards rushing and receiving last year. At only 27 years old he is poised to have another huge year, as a runner and as McNabb’s top target.

Game to Watch: 11/4 vs. Dallas…Philly fans get another crack at TO. It will be fun to watch as well as an important divisional game. Despite the top-to-bottom strength of the NFC Beast the Eagles really need to get their wins in the division, since their schedule also includes Chicago, Seattle and trips to New England and New Orleans, two nearly impossible places to win.

Madden Implications: Hopefully for Iggle users McNabb will still be able to run. If they demobilized him with a 79 speed rating then they won’t be the Madden team they used to be. You still have Westbrook though, who is the best guy to throw to out of the backfield not named Reggie Bush.

2. Dallas Cowboys

Outlook: These guys have to be the wild card team in the NFL, and I don’t mean that in a 5th or 6th playoff spot type of way. NOTHING that this team will do this year will shock me, especially not after I saw this. I’m all out of shock. They could go 13-3 or 3-13, I have no idea. They have committed to team-killer Terrell Owens, which seems idiotic, but he did lead all NFL receivers in touchdowns last season. They hired coach (puppet) Wade Phillips to replace Bill Parcells (overrated), but it looks like owner Jerry Jones (egomaniac) is the one calling all the shots. Like I said, who knows???

Key Player: In all honestly, these guys have a very good team. Their running back situation sucks for fantasy owners, with carries split between Julius Jones and Marion Barber III, but should be solid in real life. Romo has plenty of capable targets and an experienced O-line that doesn’t have a guy who has been in the league less than 6 years. Defensively they’re fast as hell, featuring pass-rusher DeMarcus Ware, whose 11.5 sacks last season were better than any other linebacker not named Shawn Merriman. Roy Williams and Terrence Newman lead a strong secondary that must improve from last season, when they allowed 25 touchdowns through the air.

However, when all is said and done, the key player for the Cowboys is Tony Romo. We can’t necessarily expect another 95.1 passer rating from him, but the main question is whether or not he will return to Pro Bowl-form or let his famous fumble in Seattle define his career? If he does in fact struggle don’t be shocked to see new coach Wade Phillips go to veteran Brad Johnson, and leave Romo livin’ in a lonely world.

Game to Watch: 10/14 vs. New England…hopefully for Da Boys the game won’t turn into Belichick vs. Romo in a battle of minds. The Pats haven’t played in Dallas in forever and this is a perfect opportunity for them to show the world that they’re for real. Or for Romo to throw 4 picks show the world that they can in fact stop believin’. Whichever.

Madden Implications: I hate to say it, but you can never count out a team with TO. Personally, I would bench him out of principle, but what would that accomplish? They have plenty of play makers on defense and platoonable running backs who will both ranked in the high 80s if not low 90s. A borderline top 10 team.

3. New York Football Giants

Outlook: This is the team with 100 story lines. I’m not sure if the New York writers got lucky or if the Big Apple media focus has perpetuated all the sub-plots, but Xs and Os seem to be the farthest thing from everyone’s mind when discussing the 2007 Giants. Will Eli ever get out of Peyton’s shadow? Will Michael Strahan report to camp or retire? Who will fill the shoes of the departed Tiki Barber? Will Tiki be able to fill Katie Couric’s shoes? What is the relationship like between head coach Tom Coughlin and his son-in-law, guard Chris Snee? What will Jeremy Shockey say next? So many questions, so few answers. Sure they could put together a solid season, but they could also go 6-10. This division is very much up in the air.

Key Player: I’d love to give the nod to 4th round draft pick Zak DeOssie, but anybody who I can beat in beirut isn’t quite a “key player” yet. Someday though. The G-Men ranked 28th in the league in pass defense in ‘06, and while I love to put the onus on the secondary I need to call out Pro Bowl defensive end Osi Umenyiora. Osi only had 6 sacks last, but seemed to be doing that stupid fade away jump shot thing all the time. If the Giants are going to improve on last year’s 8-8 season they need to get to the quarterback, and Strahan might not be there to help. A .500 record won’t get them a playoff birth this year, even in the JV NFC.

Game to Watch: 12/2 @ Chicago…to be the best in the NFC you need to go through the Midway. The Bears came into the Meadowlands last season and won by 18, so if Eli and Co. can’t get up for this one then they’re in the wrong business.

Madden Implications: Just for kicks you should sub out Eli for 300 lb. QB Jared Lorenzen. So what if hes never thrown a pass professionally, he looks hilarious, especially on a big TV. Seriously though, Brandon Jacobs is a beast in the game (just be careful of fumbles) and Plaxico Burress can pull down jump balls. They should have a better defense than in real life too, all in all not a poor choice.

4. Washington Redskins

Outlook: As always the Skins look great on paper. I suppose thats what happens when an owner puts together a real life fantasy football team. They added free agent middle linebacker London Fletcher as well as 6th overall pick La’Ron Landry to play alongside Sean Taylor in the defensive backfield. Their offense is stacked, featuring an experienced O-line, speedsters Santana Moss, Brandon Lloyd, Antwaan Randel-El and James Thrash, a versatile tight end (Chris Cooley), and a deep group of running backs led by Clinton Portis. The only question is whether or not 3rd year quarterback Jason Campbell (76.5 passer rating in 7 games last season) can lead them, or if Mark Brunell (36 years young) will take over.

Key Player: Maybe its because Fletcher stands only 5′10”, or maybe because he is the only active NFL player from John Carroll University, but somehow he was able to fly under the radar during the first 9 years of his career. I’m not saying that nobody has heard of him, but how many people know that he has averaged 140 tackles a season from 2000 on (a better average than Ray Lewis)? As much has London will help the Redskins on the field, he will most likely do his best work in the locker room, where he is a proven leader. On a team with many “stars”, young guys and misfits, they will need his leadership.

Game to Watch: 9/17 @ Philadelphia…early in the season, Monday Night Football, perfect stage for a tempo-setting road victory over the class of the NFC.

Madden Implications: There is no larger discrepancy between an NFL team and their Madden portrayal than Washington. They have big names (and big ratings) at every position. Go big and pound the ball with Portis off Chris Samuels, or spread it out with 4 solid wide outs. When on defense make and sure you use the hit stick with Taylor, it was made for him.

NFC NORTH

1. Minnesota Vikings

Outlook: They had the best run defense in the league last year, and there is no reason for them not to have a repeat performance. Since Rex Grossman is at the helm for their main competition, I don’t see their mediocre pass defense hurting their chances at a division title. They only scored 17.6 points per game last season but hope that 7 overall pick Adrian Peterson will help their rushing attack, which will have to do a lot of working seeing that starting QB Tarvaris Jackson has never won an NFL game.

Key Player: The running back battle between Peterson and Chester Taylor will get the headlines, but the real stud on the team is all-world left guard Steve Hutchinson, who can absolutely dictate a running game.

Game to Watch: 12/30 @ Denver…its never easy to play in the Mile High City, let alone in December with a possible playoff birth or divisional title on the line. Should be a great battle between Minnesota’s run D and the Broncos’ storied ground attack. (Another one to watch is 10/14 @ Chicago…they will be coming off a bye week and have a great opportunity to steal a road win and take control of the division).

Madden Implications: The idea of playing with Jackson does not thrill me, and neither does the fact that his backups are Brooks Bollinger, Drew Henson, and rookie Tyler Thigpen. If you must play with the Vikings here is what I would do: bet your opponent $10 (try and get 2-1 odds or something) that you can win without throwing a pass. Pound the ball, punt your heart out, and try and get a score on defense. Trust me, its the only way to make the game fun.

2. Chicago Bears

Outlook: Chicago has basically the same team this year that went to the Super Bowl last year and with 9-2 odds are the favorites to win the NFC. So why don’t I think they’ll even win their division? Three reasons:

1. They have a much tougher schedule this year. 2006 was a cake walk, with their only real non-conference tests being New England, NY Jets and Miami, and they dropped 2 of those. This year they need to play @ San Diego, @ Seattle, @ Philly and are hosting the Broncos, Saints, Giants, Cowboys and Chiefs. I don’t see them finishing better than 10-6.

2. They got lucky last season. I’m not saying that their 13-3 season and Super Bowl run was a fluke, but the ball certainly bounced their way. They had that crazy comeback in Arizona on Monday Night, almost blew a big lead at home against Tampa Bay, and were lucky to win their first playoff game against Seattle in overtime.

3. Rex Grossman is their quarterback. He had a 73.9 QB rating last season. He threw 20 interceptions. Brian Griese is breathing down his neck. He won’t last until Thanksgiving.

Key Player: The Bears took a blow when defensive tackle Tank Johnson was suspended by Sheriff Goodell, but have a healthy Tommie Harris back after losing him for last season in week 13. Chicago runs a defense called the “Tampa 2″, which is a Cover 2 Nickel package. The most important players for this to work are the pair of linebackers, Brian Urlacher and Lance Briggs, as they are responsible for covering a lot of ground. Urlacher is the best in the business, but he will be the first to admit that it is Briggs who is the key to their defensive success. It was looking for a while like he and the team would not be able to come to an agreement, he even promised that he would never again wear a Bears uniform when they threatened the franchise tag, but thankfully for Windy City fans the pro bowler signed a 1 year deal on July 25th.

Game to Watch: 12/17 @ Minnesota…this Monday Night showdown will most likely decide the division.

Madden Implications: We all know how good their defense is, and you can always bench Grossman. The real story with ‘da Bears in Madden is returner/corner/wideout Devin Hester (left). It is rumored that he is the first player to break the 100 rating scale, with a speed rating of 101. I don’t care who you are, thats going to be a lot of fun.

3. Detroit Lions

Outlook: In recent history the Lions have been members of the Arizona Cardinals school of success: Ignore your defense and line, load up on young talented wide receivers, and hope for the best. Detroit has finally changed their ways and beefed up other areas of the team, but you couldn’t help but chuckle when Matt Millen was basically forced to draft “the best player available” Calvin Johnson. Hopefully for Lions fans Johnson won’t be another Charlie Rodgers/Mike Williams bust.

The team also drafted former WVU Mountaineer Drew Stanton to be the quarterback of the future, so Jon Kitna looks like a lame duck, but don’t be surprised if Kitna has a solid year, especially in terms of fantasy football. He certainly has the weapons (Roy Williams, Mike Furrey and Johnson) to do it.

Key Player: They have a nice set of skill players but it will be another crappy season if they let Kitna get sacked 63 times, as they did last season, the most in the NFL. Left tackle Jeff Backus, who is supposed to be protecting the QB’s blindside, needs to start earning the $40 million contract that he signed last off-season.

Game to Watch: 9/9 @ Oakland…they open up against the only team in the league worse than them last year. Sad thing is, they probably won’t be favored, seeing that the only thing they can do is pass and the only thing the Raiders can do is stop the pass. Could be a long season.

Madden Implications: Who cares about this team’s many flaws? They are a perfect video game team! Johnson’s a freak, Furrey is huge and Williams is a top 10 receiver. Go nuts.

4. Green Bay Packers

Outlook: I believe that Brett Favre should have either retired or gone to a contender about 3 years ago, but theres no point in dwelling. Like West Virginia with Robert Byrd, they’re stuck with him until he decides to hang up his cleats. They’re a team in limbo, not sure if they should rebuild or reload. They had the 8th best offense in football last season, but failed to improve it in the off-season, drawing criticism from #4. Even with an improving defense, I don’t see Green Bay making a run in a division that is no longer the weakest in football.

Key Player: Favre’s main target Donald Driver is probably their best player, but for the Pack to do anything in the North they need to have a great defense. 2nd year linebacker A.J. Hawk needs to step up and inject the team with a shot of energy. He is a smart player with the potential to be a great locker room guy.

Game to Watch: 10/29 @ Denver…coming off a bye week they will have plenty of time to prepare for this Monday-nighter in the altitude. Favre has a flare for the dramatic and tends to put up big numbers on MNF.

Madden Implications: Unimpressive…Brett is still Brett, but not really, and a lack of a running back will kill you. They have some players on D who tend to be better in theory, like Charles Woodson and Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila (member of the Fuamatu-Ma’afala Hall of Fame), so thats a plus. Spread the field with Driver and hope for the best.

NFC SOUTH
by guest writer “The Mouth of the South” Karaoke Craig Juer

1. New Orleans Saints

Outlook: The Saints spent all of 2006 answering the question, “Are they for real?” After convincing the rest of the league that they were, indeed, “for real,” they can look forward to starting that process over again in 2007. The Saints went 10-6 and won the NFC South in what was very much a down year for the division. Consider that seven of their wins a year ago came against the following teams: Cleveland, Green Bay, Atlanta (twice), Tampa Bay (twice) and San Francisco. Don’t get me wrong, the Saints were an excellent team last year; bad teams don’t win 10 games, period. But this year’s non-divisional opponents include Indy, Jacksonville, Chicago, St. Louis, Seattle and Vince Young. The Saints get the benefit of the doubt in the South, but they’re no lock.

Key Player: In an offense with so many playmakers – including Drew Brees, Reggie Bush, Deuce McAllister and Marques Colston – it will be up to Devery Henderson to replace new division rival Joe Horn (now with the Falcons) and keep defenders from shading too much on Colston. Henderson’s shown an ability to go get the deep ball, which was Horn’s specialty.

Game to Watch: 9/6 @ Indy…it will be a great sign for N’awlins if the Saints manage not to get blown out by the defending champs in what will likely be a Week 1 track meet. If the defense, which greatly exceeded expectations a year ago, gets shelled, it will be discouraging but not necessarily surprising.

Madden Implications: Every time I play with the Saints, Bush will probably get about 45 touches divvied up between screens, pitches, counters and “FB fake/HB toss.” Also, I will probably go 1-for-9 on fourth down conversions and lose.


2. Carolina Panthers

Outlook: It’s hard to overstate how disappointing the Panthers’ 2006 season was considered. Favored to reach the Super Bowl and a mortal lock to make the playoffs, Carolina finished 8-8 and benched backup quarterback Chris Weinke in favor of DeAngelo Williams (a, um, rookie running back) in its Week 16 win over Atlanta. The good news for Carolina is it went 5-1 against the division last year, and the Falcons and Bucs look poised to once again have down years. The bad news is that the Panthers have big question marks at safety, linebacker and on both lines. Also, new offensive coordinator Jeff Davidson and his zone-blocking run game are huge unknowns.

Key Player: Left tackle Travelle Wharton isn’t the only player coming off a major injury (see: Dan Morgan, Justin Hartwig, Mike Rucker), but his absence or underperformance would lead to another season of a makeshift offensive line. Without Wharton, either left guard Mike Wahle or right tackle Jordan Gross has to man the LT spot, which lessens each player’s effectiveness and creates a new vacancy elsewhere on the line. At least Wharton can ease back into things by lining up against a player (Rucker) who’s also rehabbing a torn ACL. Sweet.

Game to Watch: 10/14 @ Arizona…This is a crucial early-season game for the Panthers. With a road trip to New Orleans the week before, a bye the following week and a home date against Indy looming, the Panthers might be looking at a five-week winless period if they don’t take care of business in the desert. A stretch like that could ruin their season.

Madden Implications: Did the makers of Madden ’08 even bother changing anything about the Panthers’ No. 2 receiver besides the name? Out: Keyshawn Johnson, 6-4, College-USC, CTH 95, AWR 95, SPEED 80…In: Dwayne Jarrett, 6-4, College-USC, CTH 95, AWR 95, SPEED 80. Or something like that.

3. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Outlook: The Buccaneers didn’t take many steps forward after a 4-12 season in 2006. They have to be considered a rebuilding team, but don’t seem to have much of a long-term plan on defense, where they keep getting older, or quarterback, where they continue to stockpile mediocre players. Jeff Garcia might be able to will them to a few wins, especially against the Falcons, but otherwise Tampa’s stuck with the misfortune of facing almost all of its eminently beatable opponents on the road.

Key Player: As I alluded, Garcia is all that’s standing between the Bucs and another 4-12 season. Best-case scenario, in my opinion, is a Garcia-powered 8-8 finish. Gaines Adams, Cadillac Williams and any cameos by biracial Polish-Italian-American MAC-schooled fourth-string quarterback Bruce Gradkowski will be fun to watch, but all the Bucs’ hopes are pinned to Garcia.

Game to Watch: Dec. 23 @ San Francisco…If the Bucs’ season is at all salvageable after Week 12, this will be the last game in a stretch (@ Houston, vs. Atlanta, @ 49ers) that ought to keep optimists hopeful. And since Dallas and Philadelphia aren’t on the schedule, this is our best chance for a Jeff Garcia-related pissing match.

Madden Implications: If you insist on playing as the Bucs in Madden, you are probably obsessed enough about them to know that they’re going to be awful. Draft a new roster, dude. At least the uniforms will be pretty sharp.

4. Atlanta Falcons

Outlook: D’Angelo Hall is arguably a far better football player than Michael Vick, and yet because Vick is a quarterback and Hall isn’t, Vick’s likely absence (or, at least, divided attention) will hurt the team far more than Hall’s would if he were in similar legal trouble. And because of how unique a player Vick is, no team lives and dies by its quarterback’s effectiveness as much as the Falcons. In other words, the Dirty Birds are faced with the possibility of enduring an awful, tedious, frustrating, long season. At the very best, I see it going “not as badly as everyone expected.” Bobby Petrino was brought to Atlanta to get the most out of the vaunted running game. Now, Vick is facing federal prosecution and Warrick Dunn is coming off back surgery. Not good news.

Key Player: As bad as he’s been in his career, Joey Harrington (55.2 completion pct., 72-77 TD-Int ratio) has managed to average 13 starts a season in five years. So…at least he’s not rusty. He’s still bad, though.

Game to Watch: 11/18 vs. Tampa Bay…It’ll be interesting to gauge the state of Atlanta’s home-field advantage at this point in the season, depending on Vick’s legal status/Harrington’s ability-to-play-quarterback status. I get the impression it won’t be quite so trendy for Atlanta fans to rally behind Vick at this point, especially if the “…until proven guilty” part of the judicial process is more imminent.

Madden Implications: That “guy who isn’t a Falcons fan in real life but insists on playing with them in Madden” better have a set of big ones if he’s going to keep that up while Vick spends the entire season in Richmond courthouse.


NFC WEST

1. San Francisco 49ers

Outlook: All four teams in this division could finish 8-8 and it wouldn’t surprise me. I put these guys on top because they have done everything right in terms of rebuilding. They used high draft picks on solid franchise players and improved themselves with veteran free agents. They are now in a position to contend, just 3 years after a 2-14 season.

Key Player: The Niners made corner Nate Clements the highest paid defender in the NFL this off season, and he now needs to show people hes worth the money. In a division with wide receivers like Larry Fitzgerald and Torry Holt, he will need to have a big year for San Fran to make it back to the playoffs.

Game to Watch: 11/10 @ Seattle…this will be the biggest test of the season for this young team: divisional rival, loudest stadium in football, Monday night.

Madden Implications: Frank Gore is a horse, so if you like to run these guys should be a good team to play with. They don’t have as many downfield playmakers as you might like, but Combine Freak Vernon Davis (left) will be big and fast and tough to stop.

2. St. Louis Rams

Outlook: Marc Bulger, Stephen Jackson and Torry Holt are the best QB-RB-WR trio in the NFC and are the main reason that the Rams’ offense was ranked 6th in the league last season. If they can keep their playmakers healthy and get some help on the defensive side of the ball they will contend in a wide-open division.

Key Player: The Rams allowed an NFC-worst 145.4 rushing yards per game last season. For the run D to improve, middle linebacker Will Witherspoon needs to lead by example. His 116 tackles last year was a career high, but without the help of outside backers Pisa Tinoisamoa and Brandon Chillar (who combined for only 96 take downs in ‘06) the Rams D could get run over again.

Game to Watch: 11/11 @ New Orleans…this will be fun to watch. If I were a betting man, which I am, I would take the over in this one. Two of the league’s most explosive offenses going at it on the turf, should be a slugfest.

Madden Implications: St. Louis has finally replaced Marshall Faulk, at least in a video game sense. Use these guys against teams like the Colts, Saints, Lions, Cardinals and Bengals, when you expect an offensive contest. Avoid them when playing teams that have good running games and defenses, like the Steelers, Ravens, and Jaguars.

3. Seattle Seahawks

Outlook: A team on the decline, but they still play in the NFL’s most raucous stadium. The ‘Hawks lost both games to San Fran in ‘06, but swept St. Louis. Finding a level of consistency (and health) will be the most important thing for this aging club. Even though I’m putting them 3rd, I would be shocked if they finished worse than 8-8.

Key Player: Seattle boasts two of the NFL’s best and most underrated linebackers in Julian Peterson and Lofa Tatupu. While it will be up to them to stop the run, the job of putting pressure on the quarterback falls on newly-aquired D-end Patrick Kerney. But who are we kidding, the key player for the Seahawks is their 12th man, all those crazy, cold, damp, football fans who bring the noise each and every Sunday.

Game to Watch: 10/7 @ Pittsburgh…lets see if these guys can still play smash-mouth football, at least better than they did against the Steelers in Super Bowl L.

Madden Implications: Still a great Madden team. Deion Branch and Nate Burleson are legit threats, while Shaun Alexander is dominant (as long as you turn injuries off). They don’t have any speed at tight end, so try going with 3 wide outs. Plenty of quick guys on defense too, led by blitz-worthy corner Marcus Trufant.

4. The Mighty Cardinals of Arizona

Outlook: They were a sexy pick last year but finished in last place…again. They were 2nd-to-last in the NFC in both rushing and overall defense, so basically the exact opposite of a smash-mouth football team (then again, with a QB as pretty as Matt Leinart you don’t want to go smashing mouths).

Key Player: We hear plenty about their playmakers, but in order to stay out of the basement they need their defense to step it up. Too bad there aren’t any guys on that squad to warranting “key player” mention. Thats why I’ve chosen Cardinals’ kicker Neil Rackers, who, after converting 40 of 42 field goals in 2005, had a down year in ‘06, connecting on only 28 of 37. Had Rackers hit just 1 extra field goal in each of Arizona’s losses last year they would have finished 9-7 instead of 6-10 and made the playoffs.

Game to Watch: 11/18 @ Cincinnati…Leinart vs. Palmer, or should we say, Trojan War II. Road test against a good team, but the Bengals might be dumb enough to let it become a shootout. If the spread is more than 6 I’d put money on the Cards.

Madden Implications: Not a strong overall team, but who cares, this is Madden. With Leinart at the helm, Edgerrin James in the backfield and Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin split wide, they are going to be fun to play with.

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Manic Monday


Before I put up my Sports Guy-esque minute-to-minute running diary of tonight’s Age of Love I need to first give props to Jon Lester.

To make such a quick, strong recovery from cancer is impressive, no matter what you do for a living. To recover from lymphoma and return to playing professional sports in less than a year is downright incredible.

Oh yeah, and he’s 23.

He handled his first big league start in the bigs since the diagnosis with grace. Just to be on the mound tonight in Cleveland was enough of an accomplishment, but to put up 6 strong innings and pick up the victory made the story even sweeter.

Highlighted by a bases-loaded strikeout of golden boy Grady Sizemore in the 4th, Lester put together, all things considered, a hell of a performance. Its easy to see how his manager Terry Francona could call him “a tough guy not to pull for.”

All of Red Sox Nation was pulling for Lester tonight, and will continue to all year. I would normally say not to count on him in the playoffs, that after everything hes been through he may not be strong enough come post-season time. After tonight, however, I will NEVER count out Jon Lester.

………………………………………………………….

Instead of watching my favorite summer show and then telling you about it like I usually do I thought I should mix it up this week.

Here is my live look at Age of Love:

9:00 - They’re going camping this week, and one of the ladies won’t be coming back.

9:03 - Jayanna and Maria just got in a little snippy cat fight. It seems that Jayanna is pissed that Maria decided to stay instead of leaving like see said she would for two eliminations. (Jayanna is out for blood, she has a win-at-all-cost mentality).

9:05 - Jayanna lectures Megan and Amanda about men, and about how Mark doesn’t think they’re special, then in the face time says that neither of the kittens will walk out of this thing with the man. Ok, I’ve had it with her. She sucks, shes waaaay too cocky. I would LOVE it if she got eliminated tonight. That would be the best post-game interview since Pedro was in town.

9:06 - The other Mark tells the 5 remaining ladies about the camping trip. I still can’t get over how they couldn’t find a less attractive host with a name that wasn’t the same as the bachelor. I’m pretty sure that one of the two was a last minute replacement.

9:08 - Mark gives a rundown of how hes feeling about the women. Megan is an “absolute sweetheart,” everything Jayanna has done is awesome, he loves the way Amanda looks at him and kisses him, he likes Maria’s passion and honesty, and he knows he likes Jen.

9:10 - Its probably going to suck, but Lohan’s new movie intrigues me.

9:12 - Who watches The Singing Bee? Anyone?

9:13 - Maria and Mark, sittin in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g.

9:14 - Cut to nighttime. Apparently an uneventful afternoon.

9:15 - Jen and Mark, sittin in a tent, k-i-s-s-i-n-g.

9:15:30 - And the tequila comes out. This should make for some drama.

9:16 - Truth or dare! Jayanna takes her pants off and does the penguin walk. NBC censored it but apparently she had a nice ass.

9:17 - UHOH…now Marks showing off his “very very very white behind.” Maria thinks his ass is a 9 out of 10.

9:18 - “Earthy, hippy” Maria (right) straddles Mark and does a weird heart-holding thing to explain what turns her on about him, then yells at the women for laughing at her. Something about women-empowerment. I think shes drunk. Drunk women should just stick to dares.

9:20 - Does anyone actually send those horoscope text messages? Anyone?

9:23 - Back at the camp Jen runs off into the woods, crying over Maria’s rant. Back at the blanket Jayanna verbally attacks Megan and Amanda, same ol’.

9:24 - Mark takes Megan for a little walk, and she is hammered. She admits that shes not sure about him, then talks about how Jen is her mom’s age.

9:25 - Mark informs Megan that shes been cut off.

9:28 - Amanda starts to realize that her feelings for Mark may be a little premature (yeah babe, its about time) when he takes Jayanna for a long walk to beautiful spot for some romantic time under white lights. Like Jayanna’s ego really needs this right now.

9:34 - Its been awhile since Mark left and clingy Amanda is getting impatient. She starts complaining to Megan but I’m pretty sure Megan passed out a while ago.

9:36 - Amanda decides that its time to go out and try and find Mark and Jayanna. As she takes overbearing to a whole new level, Jayanna lies with Mark and talks about how the other women have developed stupid crushes for him, but that she wants to be there at the end. I want her eliminated so bad.

9:37 - Jayanna tries to get some late-night nookie but gets denied hard. Mark goes back to his tent to find Amanda waiting for him there. Score. He tells her about Jayanna’s conniving ways as they drift off to sleep. An unexpected power play.

***Sidenote: There is one fatal flaw with this show that could skew this “social experiment.” The NBC brass made the same mistake as they did with Average Joe a couple summers ago. They come up with this clever situation, but they just don’t cast it right. While the premise of this show should be, “does the handsome 30-year-old choose a smart, beautiful woman in their 40s or the dumb, shallow, more beautiful 20-something.” Instead, they found bitchy 40s and nice, sweet 20s (Just like in Average Joe, where one of the hot dudes turned out to be a great guy while all the Average Joes were assholes). Doesn’t leave the bachelor(ette) much of a decision.

9:43 - Cut to the next morning, as the 6 of them sit around the sort out the events of the night before. Just like a Sunday morning at Mano’s Diner in Ithaca. Except completely fake.

9:46 - Jens been having a quiet episode. This could be good or bad. Still, I stand by my fearless guarantee that shes going home tonight, we’ll see.

9:51 - ELIMINATION TIME! Right in the woods, loser doesn’t get back on the RV…oh boy. Right off the bat he asks Jen to go for a walk…shes done, right?

9:52 - He likes the way she has handled herself, and asks her to…WHAT!?! STAY!?! Thank god nobody actually bet me on that one. Thank god nobody actually reads this.

9:53 - Amandas up…he said that he was very comfortable last night. She admits that shes crazy about Mark (yeah, we know).

9:54 - Maria’s turn. He gets her. He wants her to stay. She would love to stay. Megans up.

9:55 - I would be so pumped if they sent Jayanna home, just thought I should reiterate that. As for Megan…something about tequila…he wants her to stay!!! HOLY SHIT THE WITCH IS DEAD!!!

9:56 - You could cut the tension with a knife. I swear to God this is insane. Mark rips on Jayanna for playing games in the house, confronting her about what Amanda said the night before. Wow.

9:58 - Jayanna concludes that she was duped. Yeah, whatever. What has she learned from the experience? That she is happy with her age, and would never want to be 20 again. Well that shouldn’t be a problem, she ain’t going backwards.

Odds for the Final Four:

Amanda: 4-3, there might be a curve ball but I can’t imagine it.

Maria: 7-1, I keep saying it, but theres something about her that he likes, she has a shot.

Megan: 10-1, shes just too young.

Jen: 100-1, shes just too old.

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Rapid Fire Friday With A Vengence

So the Sox have lost 3 in a row, refs are fixing NBA games, Bonds is about to hit 755 and Michael Vick just got indicted for ridiculously cruel treatment of dogs.

Ever the optimist, I try and look at the situation like this: The Sox have a 7 game lead in the East, nobody watches the NBA anyway, Bonds’ record will stand for less than 7 years and hopefully this Vick thing has pissed of everyone at PETA, because if there is anything I hate, its Roger Clemens (and PETA).

So, instead of focusing on Vick giving “the dog days of summer” a new meaning, I decided to brighten everyones day with a list of 10 things good in sports

1. NFL training camps open in a week. That is great news for everyone.

2. Joey Harrington will most likely get ANOTHER chance at being an NFL starting quarterback. This is great news for everyone who isn’t an Atlanta Falcons fan.

3. Reche Caldwell is pictured on the front page of the Boston Globe’s sports section playing video games, and admits that he learned the Patriot’s play book by using the team in Madden. This begins to explain why his eyes bug out of his head like a Loony Toons character in heat.

4. Sergio Garcia is leading the British Open. While he has fallen off the face of the non-Ryder Cup earth as of late, he still remains one of the most exciting draws in golf. I still remember being on vacation up in Maine in 1999 and watching Tiger and Sergio’s memorable PGA Championship duel. At the time you thought that they would be the new Jack and Arnie, but Garcia just couldn’t keep up. Even if it won’t last it would be great to see him hold on to the lead at Carnoustie.

5. Jerry Remy. (Despite what Bill Simmons or Josh Bard says, he is still one of the best things about sports)

6. EA Sports just released NCAA Football 2008. While most consider this the inferior little brother to Madden, one fact holds true: You can’t run the option in Madden. And there is NOTHING more fun than running the option.

7. The Patriots’ odds for winning the AFC Championship game are listed at 11/10 on BoDog.com. I’ll admit that I like the Pats a lot more when they’re underdogs and everyone at ESPN is counting them out, but you can’t help but get a little giddy at those odds.

8. I’m fully aware that the acquisition of Ray Allen is like using a band-aid when you need surgery. Whatever. We have Jesus Shuttlesworth and you don’t!

9. The Sox little skid WILL end tonight. Beckett is the new stopper, and I’m going to the game, and they don’t lose when I go. I’m not saying that I contribute much from section 16 row 11, but for some reason I bring some positive karma. I’m soon to be 3-0 this year, 7-0 over the last 2 years and something like 14-1 since Aaron Boone. Can’t explain it, but I have no problem guaranteeing victory.

10. David Beckham Arrives Tomorrow. And so does his wife.

LINK OF THE WEEK:
http://www.rockband.com/home.html

My NFL Preview will be up by Tuesday…enjoy the weekend.

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AOL 5.0

If you are a sports fan who are visiting this sports blog to read about sports then here is the link to one of my better sports related columns from last year.

If you hate my favorite reality show, Age of Love, then here is a link to an NFL-inspired reality TV lineup from last year.

If you are still reading this, then I will assume that you are as obsessed with Age of Love as I am and can’t wait to read about my thoughts on last night’s episode.

Honestly, I was planning on just throwing a quick recap paragraph at the end of Rapid Fire Friday, but last nights show was chock full of drama and deserves at least a short column…

The show was broken down into 4 segments: 3 girl date, 2 girl date, 1-on-1 date, and of course…THE ELIMINATION.

The group date turned out to be a day of surfing at the beach with Mary, Megan and Maria. This was the first date for the young girls, while Maria desperately needed a sign from Mark, so a lot was at stake.

If the date had been a football game Megan (below) would have won by 4 touchdowns. She “stole Mark’s attention” and left the tennis hunk loving how she was “full of life, full of energy.” (Translation: She is 27 years younger than Jen, and much farther away from death).


Maria and Mary were both upset that they didn’t get enough attention on the date. Maria bitched, Mary cried…I know, shocker.

Back at the apartment, the other somewhat unstable 20-something Amanda was sitting around missing Mark, while Jen and Jayanna ridiculed her emotions behind her back.

Next, Mark takes obsessed Amanda and the ever-aggressive Jayanna on a private movie date (private that is if you don’t count the other woman and the camera crew). Philly does his best to take both women aside at times and cuddled with both, but I’d give the win to Amanda, who scored a post-movie make out session.

The next morning Jen was a little grumpy about not going on a date the day before, but Mark made it up to her with a motorcycle ride and some beers and pool at a bar. Sure, she looked pretty hot in that biker outfit, but she was still born in the ’50s. I’m sorry, she CANNOT win this. She is 48!!! (She can’t win, right?)

Ok, ok, enough of this boring crap…its ELIMINATION TIME!!!

Jen’s up first. Since they had such a great time on their date, shes staying. For another week at least…she can’t win this. Actually, I will be anyone $100 that she gets kicked off next week, this has gone on long enough.

Megan next (looking incredible): she makes him smile, he wants to get to know him more, she’s very safe.

Over-confident Jayanna is asked to stay…no shock there, but shes getting so cocky that I can’t wait for her to get dumped and then start crying in the interview. But maybe I’m just a jerk.

A nervous Amanda gets the call next and admits that shes scared by how fast shes having feelings, which was refreshing to hear. He says how much he enjoys her and the favorite is still safe.

Its down to Maria, who said before the elimination that she was going to leave anyway, and Mary, who is on the verge of tears. The two share a nice mother-daughter moment where Maria tells Mary that she is beautiful and that she loves her.

Mark calls Maria, and wouldn’t you know it, his charm wins her over again! For the second week in a row Maria goes back on her word and decides to stay. With all the drama, everyone forgot about Mary, standing alone waiting to get the boot. Surprisingly she doesn’t cry in front of Mark, showing some balls and telling him that he is missing out. After all the pathetic emotions she showed its good to see that she is leaving with some dignit- oh wait she just hugged Megan goodbye and started sobbing. So much for that.

Whew, what an episode…time for some updated odds for the Final Five:

Amanda: Still has to be considered the favorite...5-2
Megan: Her stock has shot up after showing some brains...3-1
Jayanna: The best of the Cougars, but maybe too aggressive…9-2
Maria: Does she really want it enough? 25-1
Jen: I have 48 reasons for why she won’t win...100-1

If you actually want to put some money on this let me know, or you can drop $50 at BoDog.com. Scroll to the bottom and check out the money line for the show: -200 that he takes a Kitten, +150 on a Cougar. You can’t make this stuff up.


For an official recap of Monday’s episode, and for more info on the show, visit the Age of Love page on NBC.com

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Rapid Fire Friday


***I must begin the second installment of RFF with a correction. Josh Bard, associate producer of ESPN’s Around the Horn and future SportsFanParadise.com contributer, was informed by the hateable Dan Lebatard that my Rickey Henderson/John Olerud story was not in fact true. This upset me, since it’s one of my few stories, however the revelation did provide me with a tremendous website, where you can read about all of Rickey’s wild antics…

***Instead of dedicating another long column to my favorite summer reality TV show I decided to provide a cliff note version of Age of Love’s 4th episode, here’s all you need to know:

-The eight women/girls all moved into the same huge apartment…nothing special.

-They competed in a dumbed-down triathlon for a chance at some time with Mark on a yacht. Tessa didn’t make it because she hurt her ankle (not sure if the ambulance and stretcher was necessary, but whatever, its TV) and Jen didn’t make it because shes old. Jayanna “killed it” (as T.J. Lavin would say) while Amanda and Kelli rounded off the top 3 who were rewarded with the group date on the yacht.

-Mary cries about everything. The girl is constantly in tears. Someone please give her the Old Yeller treatment.

- There was a lot of chemistry between Jayanna and Mark on the boat, but Amanda won with a romantic make out session. Shes about to fall for this guy hard if she hasn’t already. I’m pretty confident with my odds right now.

-The next challenge is 40s vs. 20s in tennis, which the country club moms had no problem with, sweeping easiliy.

-Back at the apartment Jayanna and Mary get in little snippy cat fight over nothing…wait for it…wait for it…Mary starts crying. She is like the Dick Vermeil of reality TV hos.

-Quote of the week: “Tessa comes across as a very intelligent woman.” - Mark Philappoussis. They have a nice 1-on-1 date before Tessa starts talking about how great Amanda was and how much Amanda likes him. Not sure I agree with that move, shes not much of a strategist.

-Mark calls in all eight ladies one by one for a quick chat before he makes his decision. He kisses five of them (all four cougars plus Amanda). Atta boy.

-TIME TO ELIMINATE! Tessa gets the boot immediately, not surprising after the lack of connection, but disappointing nonetheless (I’m pissed that nobody took me up on my 11-2 odds). Mark follows that with dropping the bomb on Kelli, who “put her emotions out there and got hurt.” Sorry Kelli, try match.com or something….1-2-3 SEE YA!!!

-So to recap: Amanda is still the odds-on favorite, with Jayanna right on her tail. Mary is completely nuts and Megan is sort of a moron, so I don’t see them taking it. Maria remains a dark horse but I don’t think they have enough chemistry, while Jen is 48 and getting older by the day.

***As the story goes, one night a couple summers ago I got separated from my friends at the bars in Cleveland Circle. Apparently they found me an hour later, engaged in a heated debate with a homeless man. I was said to have been arguing that Ted Williams was the greatest athlete of all time, since he was a member of both the baseball hall of fame as well as the fishing hall of fame.

While I may have been a little off-base, I still contend that those two feats, paired with the fact that Ted was a fighter pilot in two wars, means that he may have the best eyesight of all time. Regardless, most people agree that Teddy Ballgame is the greatest hitter of all time. What most people don’t consider, however, is that he may have also been, statistically speaking, the best of all time.

He finished his career with a .344 average, 5th all-time, and was the last player to hit over .400 for a season. The most impressive numbers of his career, however, are the ones that he never got the chance to put up. This leads me to the STAT OF THE WEEK:

Had Ted Williams not given up 3 years of his prime to fight in WW2 and another 2 years to Korea, his home run total would have put him in even more exclusive company. As it is, he finished his career with 521 homers, but if you add the number of bombs he was on pace to hit (if he wasn’t off dropping real ones) then his total would have been 692. That puts him a seasons worth of dingers ahead of Willie Mays, and at the time of his retirement in 2nd place behind the Babe.

Now all we need to do is thaw him out so he can go after Bonds’ record.

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AOL 3.0

Due to my budding social life I am a week behind on Age of Love updates. I apologize to all three of you who read this. Thankfully NBC doesn’t have much meat on their summer schedule and replayed the third episode before this Monday’s new show.

Its down to ten now: five older skanks and five younger skanks. I still don’t think any of the old ones but 39-year-old Jayanna has a realistic chance, however Mark seems really into these antiques.

The 3rd ep kicks off with a threesome date with Mark, Kelli (40) and Amanda (25, left) who both think they have McEnroe Jr. to themselves. In reality, they will sit at different restaurant tables as Mark goes back and fourth between them for a hectic hour long date. Normal.

Kelli has the edge because she can construct a full sentence, while Amanda is losing points by the minutes. How the hell could her plastic surgeon completely ignore two of the largest ears of all time!?! He should be disbarred! Seriously, Amanda was smart enough to wear her hair down for the first two shows, I don’t know why she thought it would be a good idea to unveil the Dumbo flaps during one-on-one time.

While Kelli blabs and blabs about her real estate license and wanting children (”but theres no rush”…um, yes, there is) Mark looks uncomfortable and ready to get back to Ms. Ross Perot. Kelli does her job and keeps him at the table for the majority of the time, thereby winning dessert with Mark, but not before he could slip away to walk Amanda back to the limo and plant the first kiss of the season on her saline-injected lips. +++ points Amanda!

The next part of the episode features the golden girls picking out a group date for the sorority sisters and vice-versa. Naturally, the kittens are sent to an indoor toddler playground, while the cougars go to a seniors exercise swim class. Way to think outside the box producers.

Adelaide gets chosen to ride back with Mark in the limo after the date, and becomes the second victim of of Philly’s lips, which will no doubt cause a rift between her and Amanda. Ade also gives us her prediction: “I know I’m going to win.”

After water aerobics (which went well for everyone) Mark spent some alone time with Maria, but alas, no sparks.

With the elimination upon them, Maria decides that Mark isn’t right for her and that she’s going to walk, while all the kittens pack except for the confident Adelaide.

TIME TO MAKE SOME CUTS!!! (I love this part)…

Tessa: Great with kids. Verdict: Safe.

Amanda: Their kiss was beautiful. Verdict: Very safe.

Megan: Looks Cute. Verdict: Safe.

Adelaide: Their kiss didn’t bring on any feelings. Verdict: 1…2…3…SEE YA!!!!

(WOW! Shocker of the season! Prarie View Knocks Off Duke! The #1 seed is gone!)

Mary: Lets spend some time together. Verdict: Safe, for now.

Jen: He has feelings for her, she has feelings for him. Verdict: 48 shmortyeight, shes very safe.

Maria: He wants to spend more time with her, but (commercial break…) oh she caved! Shes staying! Verdict: Safe? (she admitted that shes crazy).

Jayanna: Shes one of the women that he could go on with. Verdict: Safe

Kelli: Deserves 110% of his focus. Verdict: Safe (for a week or so).

Lynn: Won’t show him who she really is. Verdict: Sorry hun, hit the road.

Host Mark ends the ep by telling the girls that they will all move in together…draaammaaa.

Here are the standings (with odds for winning) after episode 3…keep in mind I am not a professional odds maker, hence my enormous mis-calculation on Adelaide, that said, these odds should equal 100% and I am more than willing to takes bets. Seriously, who wants to lay down a dime on Tessa???

1. Amanda (3-1)
2. Jen (50-1) Shes just too damn old…right? Right??
3. Jayanna (5-1)
4. Tessa (11-2) A- on the looks, C+ on the personality, DD on the chest.
5. Megan (10-1)
6. Mary (10-1) Like Megan; A on cute, C- on personality.
7. Kelli (25-1)
8. Maria (33-1) One foot out the door already

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Rapid Fire Friday

After a week of Independence Day grilling, drinking and good friends I find no desire to write complete thoughts. Therefore, I proudly introduce Rapid Fire Friday.

- Joey Chestnut brought the Nathan’s Belt back to the U.S. by winning Wednesday’s annual Hot Dog eating competition, the Super Bowl of competitive eating. He ate 66 dogs in 12 minutes, a rate of 1 per 10.9 seconds. Ask yourself this: Could I eat ONE hot dog in 11 seconds? I guarantee that you can’t. Last weekend a few of the guys and I tried to see who could eat a dog the fastest, and the winner was somewhere around 30 seconds. I couldn’t have done it 6 times, let alone 66…that guy is a golden god.

- Forget Federer, Nadal, Sharapova and the Williams sisters. Wimbledon is overrated. You know where its at? Wiimbledon. Thats right, Wiimbledon. Google it, and it won’t give you did you mean Wimbledon? No, it will give you the link to wiimbledon.net, where you can see for yourself that video games are taking over the world.

- 84 games into the regular season the Mets’ Jose Reyes has stolen 43 bases. He is on pace to steal 85, which is relatively close to Lou Brock’s National League Record of 118. Still, Reyes’ dominance pales in comparison to Ricky Henderson’s 130 swipe season in 1982.

Maybe because he played so long and said so many quirky things, but for some reason Henderson’s greatness has somehow been overshadowed by his personality. His name came up at last weekend’s get-together (minutes before the hot dog chugging contest) and I told the story that I always tell about Rickey, how he approached John Olerud in the Mariner’s lockeroom in 2000 and told him that he used to play in Toronto with a guy who wore his helmet while playing in the field, and Olerud had to say “Yeah, Rickey, that was me.”

Joking aside, I was appalled when one of the guys asked if Henderson belonged in the Hall of Fame. Now that Rickey has officially retired, the 49-year-old just needs to wait for his five year grace period to pass before he enjoys first-ballot status in Cooperstown. There should be no debate about this. His 1406 stolen bases are the most in history, by 468! To put that in perspective, less than 40 players have ever swiped 468 bags.

The rest of his resume speaks for itself:
* He hit over .300 eight times
* He holds the career record for runs scored
* He finished his career with 3,055 hits
* He has a career on base percentage of over .400
* He ranks 4th all-time in games played
* He is 2nd all time in walks (behind Mr. Bonds)
* He is the top 10 in career at bats
* He was part of two World Series championship teams
* He was a 10 time all star
* He won the AL MVP award in 1990

Time to get off the Rickey soap box and take a nap. Laaate.

- STAT OF THE WEEK:

Barry Bonds has been intentionally walked 675 times in his career. That is more than Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, Manny Ramirez and Frank Thomas combined.

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