Archive for June, 2009
- Sox are 15-5 in the last seven series against five teams with records better than 500.
- Sox are 13-4 against the current 3 other AL playoff teams so far with all 4 loses coming on the West Coast. Have I mentioned we dont have to go West anymore this year?
- Sox have a pretty steady lead in the American League and since the AL doesn’t lose All Star Games, we can just chalk up home field for the World Series. Oh yeah, have I mentioned that we’re 25-10 at home this season?
- And last and certainly not least, there’s that little matter of the Sox being 8-0 against the Yankees this year.
Mock NBA All-Time Draft
Jun 25
This goes out to all the NBA GMs that won’t be picking #1 tonight: You can still have a great draft, and here is how: When you’re turn comes around just pick the guy that most resembles the best player ever picked in that spot. Its a can’t-miss strategy.
2. Isiah Thomas (’81)
3. Michael Jordan (’84)
4. Chris Paul (’05)
5. Kevin Garnett (’95)
6. Larry Bird (’78)
7. Bernard King (’77)
8. Robert Parish (’76)
9. Dirk Nowitzki (98)
10. Paul Pierce (’98)
11. Reggie Miller (’87)
12. Julius Erving (’72)
13. Kobe Bryant (’96) Karl Malone (’85)
14. Clyde Drexler (’83)
15. Steve Nash (’96)
16. John Stockton (’84)
17. Shawn Kemp (’89)
18. Joe Dumars (’85)
19. Nate Archibald (’70)
20. Jameer Nelson (’04)
21. Michael Finley (’95)
22. Reggie Lewis (’87)
23. Tayshaun Prince (’02)
24. Latrell Spreewell (’92)
25. Gerald Wallace (’01)
26. Vlade Divac (’89)
27. Kendrick Perkins (’03)
28. Tony Parker (’01)
29. Josh Howard (’03)
30. David Lee (’05)
And if you happen to have the 58th pick and only the 58th pick I recommend taking someone that reminds you of a JR Pinnock/Andreas Glyniadakis/Blake Stepp hybrid.
You burden me with your questions, you’d have me tell no lies. You’re always asking what it’s all about, and you listen to my replies.
For I am the Sports (Fan Paradise) Guy, a breadth of knowledge and advice, and doer of good things where women are involved.
But a sign of a good leader is that he knows when to delegate. I received a mailbag question yesterday that I could have answered, and answered well, but when you get get an email about karaoke and you just happen to have a guy named “The Mouth of the South” Karaoke Craig on your payroll, well, it’s time to sit on the bench for an inning.
KC, this one is all you…
SFPG -
I am going to a karaoke party friday night and I need a suggestion for a song to bring the house down.
Also, give me some situational songs to sing:
- To serenade a girl
- To get everyone dancing
- To get everyone singing
- To get everyone laughing
- To get everyone to tell their friends the next day
Anyway, once you’re sure the party is ripe for karaokeing (never hurts to let one or two of your buddies warm up the room, by the way), it’s not difficult to find a song that will make the panties drop. The good news is that there are way fewer bad songs to sing than good or OK ones, and they are easy to spot. (Whoever decided this Kid Rock/Sheryl Crow miscarriage was good for karaoke showed worse judgment than the guy who thought this would make him the toast of Boston).
What are some examples of good songs? Easiest question I’ve ever been asked, and that includes the other day at work when a foreign kid asked me if artichoke was a fish.
To serenade a girl: I am partial to Slip Away by Clarence Carter. “Can’t you just…slip away? Without him knowing you’re gone?” Perfect if her boyfriend’s in the audience, and he’s not you.
(Note: while we’re on CC, I have seen Strokin‘ pulled off to great effect. Boston Mike knows what I’m talking about; great for a group of guys who are all on the same page with the backup dancing).
Also for a girl, how about The Night Time is the Right Time by Ray Charles? Everybody who used to watch Cosby Show reruns loves this song, and it’s kind of romantic without being too slow-paced. After all, you don’t want the girl you’re serenading to squirm when the room goes dead because you’re singing to her. Big-time SOGB.
To get everyone dancing: Shout. Spend a thousand years searching, and you won’t find a more appropriate song. Doesn’t matter if you can sing it, because everyone else will be singing it too.
To get everyone singing: The songs that will accomplish this goal depend greatly on the region you’re in. Bruce will do the trick anywhere north of Trenton. Guns and Roses or Bon Jovi are fine for the mid-Atlantic. You Never Even Called Me By My Name and Family Tradition are Southern staples. (Note: If you want to sing something out of spite - always fun - emphatically sing Country Roads in Pittsburgh or New York, New York in Beantown.)
But to transcend regional preferences, go for the song that everybody knows the words to, even though they didn’t realize until the song came on that they knew the words. Ask somebody from Detroit if they know the words to any Garth Brooks song, and they might say no. Start karaokeing Friends in Low Places, and without thinking they’ll chime in, “…I showed up in boots, and ruined your black-tie affair.” Here are some others that more people know the words to than will let on:
* Beer by Reel Big Fish. “If I get drunk, well I’ll pass on the floor now, baby. You won’t bother me no more!”
* My Own Worst Enemy by Lit. “Can we forget about the things I said when I was drunk? I didn’t mean to call you that…”
* Do Right by Jimmie’s Chicken Shack. “Once would you tell me please, what do I do, what do I do right?”
* I Wanna Rock by Twisted Sister. “I wanna rock! ROCK!”
* Build Me Up Buttercup by The Foundations. “I need YOU! More than anyone, darling. You know that I have from the start.”
There are 100 more like this. Use your imagination.
To get everyone laughing: It’s way easier to get your friends laughing than the entire anonymous crowd, so I’ll leave that up to you. If you’re old enough to read this blog, you should have plenty of inside jokes that can be conveyed through song. But to make everyone laugh? If you happen to be a semi-cherubic rapper, I’d suggest this interpretation of Bennie and the Jets. Find yourself and all your WASPy or Jewish friends in a bar that happens to be populated by mostly Obama Supporters? Try some good-natured pandering with Sir Mix-a-lot. And you can’t go wrong by singing Total Eclipse of the Heart with cuss words added. Foist this song onto an unsuspecting crowd (especially an older one that’s unfamiliar with the D), and try to do so with a straight face.
To get everyone to tell their friends the next day: Somehow persuade the way-too-drunk girl in the slutty outfit to kiss and grope her girl friend on stage while you perform Criminal by Fiona Apple (and really, it’s only worth it if there’s a 50 percent chance or greater of partial nudity). Other than being Anthony Hamilton or That Guy from Kings of Leon, that’s probably your best bet.
After a quick look through my iTunes, these are all worth mentioning:
Rosalita, Bruce Springsteen
Come on Eileen, Dexy’s Midnight Runners
Runaround Sue, Dion
Shake That, Eminem F/ Nate Dogg (only if there are girls there who will, indeed, Shake That.)
I’m on a Boat, The Lonely Island
Whiskey in the Jar, Metallica
Sister Christian, Night Ranger (if only to over-zealously sing the “MOTORIN!” part.)
Your Love, The Outfield
Thriller, Michael Jackson (only if it’s Halloween, and you know the dance.)
Self-Esteem, The Offspring (everyone who went to middle school in the ’90s will appreciate you bringing it back.)
Bad Case of Loving You, Robert Palmer
It’s Tricky, Run DMC
Santeria, Sublime
I’m in Luv wit a Stripper, T-Pain (only if you sing it ironically.)
Stay Fly, Three Six Mafia (only if you’re Shaun Poore.)
Hate my ideas? I’m glad - that’s what the comments section is for. Give me your top-3 karaoke songs. It’s the least you can do after I just gave you all my go-to songs.
As we have established before, great mailbag questions get their own post. Even greater questions get their own post on Friday…
Dear SFPG,
I enjoy playing drinking games, a lot; but I can never choose the right drinking game for the right situation. Can you tell me what the best drinking game is for a few situations?
1. the first game of the night
2. a group of, say, 10 people
3. picking up women
4. at a bar, bored, but remembered a deck of cards
5. when you need to make people laugh
6. when you’re at a pool party
7. when you don’t want to make a mess
8. when you’re drinking sparks or redbull vodka’s
9. when you’re in the basement of 279 penn
10. the last game of the night
-Greg, South End Boston
Well if that isn’t a money mailbag question I don’t know what is. You should all learn a little something from Greg here…this is how it’s done.
Also, perfect timing for those looking to have fun during the shitty weather this weekend. Hopefully this will help some of you get funky tonight.
I’m going to attack these in the order Greg asked them, hereby presenting the Ten Commandments of Drinking Games.
1. The first game of the night should be complicated enough so as not to waste your sobriety. That said, it also needs to be something that gets 2-3 drinks in people and starts the night off right. I would suggest Asshole with a few rule variations: Waterfall left on odd socials and right on even socials, drink EVERY time you get skipped or can’t go, and whoever chugs their beer first gets the available clear card.
2. For a group of 10 people I suggest the game Celebrity (or if you’re lazy, Catchphrase). Celebrity is a great ice-breaker for a big group and it gets everybody involved. All you need is paper, some pens, a large punch bowl and a outgoing personalities. How to play: Hand everyone a piece of paper and instruct them to write down 30 celebrities’ names, the more random the better. Then tear and fold each name and put it in the punch bowl. Break up the group into 2 teams of 5 (girls vs. guys, Needham vs. Westford …whatever). The teams then alternate sending a representative up to the bowl, who will have a minute to get his team to say the name of as many celebrities as he/she can in 1 minute (have an opposing player keep track of time on the cable box). Whichever team has the most guessed after all 10 players have gone are the winners. Drink as you play.
3. For this I usually play a little game called “Haaave ya met Andy?”
4. Unless you’re participating in an all-day charity fundraiser at a bar, please don’t be the guy who brings a deck of cards with you when you go out. Just don’t. If a situation arises where a deck of cards is mandatory to your survival you can always go to a 7/11 and get a pack for $2.
There are only 2 reasons why one would be bored at a bar: the bar is empty or they’re antisocial. If the bar is empty, my advice would be to leave and find one that’s full, or if no bars are full you should just evaluate yourself for drinking at 2:00 pm on a Tuesday. If the bar is full you should go talk to the best looking or most interesting person you see. If this is something that you can’t do then you should probably just leave the bar and find a new activity.
5. If you really want to make people laugh, and I’m talking like serious committment to the craft of comedy, do a dizzybat race.
That’s actually a perfect segway…
6. Swimming and binge drinking don’t really mesh well, but if you are drinking and grilling outside there is no better game than buzzball. All you need is a wiffleball, wiffleball bat, 8+ people, 3 solo cups and steady supply of beer. Guys and dykey girls hit opposite handed. You score if you hit the ball, run to 1st and chug your cup before the other team pegs you with the ball. You ARE able to run through first base but stay in fair territory. If you finish your first cup you can run for 2nd, but if you get pegged before finishing the 2nd you lose the point you scored at 1st (i.e. a run per cup chugged, 3 run max per at-bat). It’s pretty simple. Lots of overthrows.
7. The cleanest drinking game, and one that can be played in bars without a deck of cards, is called Fingers. Play with 4-8 people. Put a pint glass in the middle of the table, with everyone pouring a little beer in (preferably all different types). Everyone puts 1 finger on the cup. Go around in a circle saying “1…2…3…” and then guessing the amount of fingers that will be left on the cup after everyone either leaves theirs on or pulls it off. For example: The Celtics starting 5 are playing fingers. KG is up. He says “1…2…3…TWO!” He pulls his finger off and so does Rondo, but Ray, Perk and Paul leave theirs on. KG was wrong, since he guessed 2 but there with 3 left. He stays in. If you guess correctly you’re out. The last person left chugs the middle glass. It’s easier to explain in person.
8. If you’re drinking Sparks or Red Bull it probably means you’re going to be hyper. Play a game called Baghdad. Its 4-on-4 Beirut with 4 separate 6-cup formations on each side, 4 live balls and non-stop shooting. It’s an absolute clusterfuck.
9. When you’re in the basement of 279 Penn the only game to play is Survivor Flip Cup. Make alliances and make sure you’re not expendable. Outwit, Outplay, Outlast.
10. To quote the great Doug Coughlin: “All things end badly, otherwise they wouldn’t end.”
There is no good answer here. If you have followed these rules then there shouldn’t be a need for a special game to close the night. Any one of the aforementioned games, if played correctly and with enthusiasm, has the potential to be the last game of the night. Write that down.
So to recap…
Thou shalt play the most confusing game of the night first.
Thou shalt get everyone involved.
Thou shalt shamelessly introduce their buddies to girls without consent.
Thou shalt not bring a deck of cards to a bar.
Thou shalt not be afraid of making an ass of him or her self.
Thou shalt celebrate the art of outdoor drinking.
Thou shalt play Fingers instead of a card game when bored at a bar.
Thou shalt not play Baghdad unless they are hopped up on something.
Thou shalt take Survivor Flip Cup very seriously.
And finally, Thou shalt not be able to remember the end of the night.
Well that year flew by…
Jun 19
Can you believe it has been 344 days since Sports Fan Paradise sponsored Brian Daubach’s Baseball Reference page?
I can’t either.
I just received an email saying that I have 21 days to pony-up another $20 to renew the sponsorship.
I’m not 100% convinced I saw a sizeable ROI, so I don’t think Daubs is getting another Andy Jackson off SFP. Instead we will use our annual advertising budget elsewhere.
And that’s where you guys come in: It’s Friday and I know you aren’t doing anything else. Sure, those mines won’t sweep themselves, but I think you can dedicate a few minutes to the ‘Dise.
Post a comment leaving a suggestion for how to spend $20 to promote the site. At 4:30 I’ll take the best idea and put the wheels in motion.
The Insneider doesn’t wake up until 5:00 EST. I want plenty of good suggestions before he puts his filthy mind to work on it.
RW/RR Challenge Season Recap
Jun 16
by Josh Bard
There’s television, good television, and, if you’re lucky, “Do not delete recording” television. Most of this season of MTV’s The Duel 2 was barely television. There was a distinct lack of partying, night-vision hook ups, backstabbing, and any competitive drama after the Artest-ian melee between CT and Adam eight minutes into the season. Instead we were inundated with lame confrontations, contrived relationship disputes, and a player competing for diaper money. Yawn.
Quick Morning Dump
Jun 16
Finally Sporcle is getting the recognition it deserves
Ronaldo, soccer’s 220 million dollar man, gets a man massage in Vegas. And people wonder why futbol won’t catch on over here.
As Jeff Pearlman writes, Jewish kids will have another sports hero to mention in the Bar Mitzvah speech besides Sandy Koufax.
This female perspective blog is one of the only good things coming out of New York City right now. My favorite posts include Cocktails & Coworkers and Promiscuity Curbed.
I thought Martin Scorcese’s next movie was starring Vincent Chase. Apparently not, but it looks decent.
I feel like we should take the time to stop by NationalsPride.com every so often, because, well, they apparently take the time to stop by ours (see the comment section). It seems like Manny Acta is still the manager and the team is still well on their way to the worst season in their illustrious five year history. Have to give Ian and the boys credit, they’re holding strong, but its just a matter of time before they buy up the domain name NationalsComplacency.com.
Here is a video of Barney Stinson hosting the Tony Awards. I can’t watch videos at work but apparently he was pretty good. Between Ronaldo, NPH and the Washington Nationals this is quickly becoming the gayest dump we have ever done.
If you think that my friends and I didn’t do something very similar to this in high school then you may or may not be mistaken.
I guess they do stare at each other a lot.
Bruce and the Killers do Thunder Road. I just post what Bardo sends me.
Or I thought I posted everything Bardo sent me. I guess I missed this one from May 14th. My bad buddy, but hey, better late than never is what I always say…
Is Dwight Howard Overrated?
by Josh Bard
