Sad day. Sad day indeed. I guess you gotta know something about music to predict this shit. She had the look though. She had the fuckin look. Cue Michelle Delamor?
Archive for February, 2010
That’s right, a bunch of knuckleheads in Virginia Beach actually let me take Ash-Rod #3 overall, AFTER Lacey Brown! Can somebody give me a Sam Bowie!?! (Look it up girls).
Now that I have my stud, along with fan-favorites Big Mike and Haeley Vaughn and sleeper Paige Miles, I am ready to make a run at my first AIFL title. Hopefully my past MTV RW/RR Challenge Fantasy League success will translate on a different stage. Sort of like how Shaun White is also a nasty skateboarder.
Of course everyone in the league turned to me to come up with the rules, so being the experienced fantasy commish this shouldn’t be a problem:
Survive an episode (until Top 12): 1 pt
Survive an episode (post-Top 12): 3 pts
In the bottom 3 (up until Final 5): -1 pt
In the bottom 2 (up until Final 4): -2 pts
Standing ovation from judges: 3 pts per judge
Finish 2nd: 5 pts
Become the next American Idol: 10 points
There you have it. Set in stone.
El Pres over at Barstool also handicapped this season, giving Ash-Rod 30-1 odds and picking Siobhan Magnus to win. I’m a dedicated Stoolie but he is way off.
I’m going with Chocolate Thunder for a team name. It’s domination time.
Where do you go from here if you’re Canadian? Seriously, like hockey was your thing. What’s next? Is Bertucci’s going to start serving better Italian food than Italy?
I know it was just a preliminary game but still, if an entire nation is going to put all their bacon in one basket they better DOMINATE that basket. Hockey is like the 8th most popular sport in this country. I hadn’t even heard of anybody on Team USA. All the guys on Team Canada were guys I thought were American. Just sad is all it is.
Bardo on Tiger
Feb 20
The last time we all dropped everything and gathered around the boob tube to watch the fate of a disgraced athlete, Judge Ito told us OJ Simpson was innocent. Today, there was similar disappoint as Tiger Woods read an apologetic statement and offer us little else. Tiger had the opportunity to show the world he was truly sorry and on the road to becoming a new, better man. Spoiler alert, he didn’t.
Friday Morning Tiger was equally robotic and automatic like the Sunday Afternoon Tiger we used to know on the links. Tiger read aloud for 13 minutes, like some horrific bedtime story full of monotone reflections, nonspecific statements, and a complete disregard for character development. He hardly exhibited emotion, though, to be fair, a 72nd-green fist pump would have been pretty uncivilized
In fact the only part of the monologue (and that’s what it was) that wasn’t worthless to me, was Tiger admitting his feelings of entitlement. But that’s where it started to get personal and also where it ended, as Tiger quickly went back to his Mad Libs apology set, plugging in a religious affiliation as well as an adjective, a verb ending in -ing, and a body part (plural).
Let’s get real. This wasn’t an apology. This was a prepared statement, an apologetic essay. It was practiced and manicured and precise, like every aspect of Tiger’s golf game. It was everything we should have expected from Tiger, a guy who can’t be made to look anything but in control and never leaves his comfort zone. The biggest F-U from Tiger, no questions, meaning we can add the three (THREE?!?!) media members in attendance to the list of people Tiger has stiffed.
Having every detail prearranged showed his continuously mismanaged priorities; that his image comes before everything else, including his family and the apology. If his image wasn’t most important why wouldn’t he have spoken from the heart? Why did he need “I am truly sorry” written down? Had Tiger strayed from the script and spoken off the cuff, he may have stuttered or stammered or appeared vulnerable. He would have thrown himself in front of the apology bus instead of jumping out of its path and pretending to be hit.
I don’t care that he put himself out there and admitted his wrongs because that’s what you’re supposed to do when you have sex with tens of women outside your marriage Its called manning up and Tiger showed today, he is no more of a man than he was three months ago.
American Idol Preseason Odds
Feb 19
I have never claimed to know anything about music. I can’t tell which contestant is a better singer. I am tone deaf. But like I said on January 13th, I have my finger on the pulse of America. It’s a gift, I guess.
In that same post I guaranteed that Ashley Rodriguez would make it to the top 3. This was after the season premiere, after only seeing 1 city (mine) audition. It was as ballsy a call as I have ever made but I am sticking with it. I can’t tell the difference between an alto and a soprano but I know reality TV like I know the back of my hand, and I know the back of my hand very very well. I was sleeping on it just a minute ago.
American Idol, like anything, goes through phases. There is an ebb and a flow. The last 2 years have been all-male finals, with an edgy rocker against a kid who looked 12-years-old. This year is a ladies’ year, I feel it in my bones.
With that in mind, here are my odds as of 2/19. These are based somewhat on scattered memories of their auditions but mostly based on the picture on the AI website.
That’s how easy this shit is sometimes.
Alex Lambert: 100-1
For the same reason a guy named Jim McCain won’t be a strong candidate for president in 2012. America votes for change.
Casey James: 100-1
Has the look, but not the voice. Anybody this shocked every time he advances doesn’t have “it”.
Aaron Kelly: 100-1
Too young, too David Archuleta.
Todrick Hall: 100-1
Too dramatic.
John Park: 100-1
Too token.
Lee Dewyze: 100-1
Too Karaoke.
Lilly Scott (below, right): 100-1
She looks like a cross between Harry from Dumb & Dumber and the Albino from the Pit of Despair in Princess Bride.
Tyler Grady: 100-1
I like the 70’s rocker thing and I think America will enjoy hearing him cover songs. Definitely a Top-12 candidate but he doesn’t have the voice to win.
Joe Munoz: 100-1
I think he is different enough (see: Latino) that he will make the Top 12. He is also young enough (20) to mature before America’s eyes and make a run. But still a long shot.
Haeley Vaughn: 25-1
Like Munoz, she is different (see: black country singer). She will have some great performances and some terrible ones and stick around for a while, but she doesn’t have the experience to win.
Janell Wheeler: 50-1
Katelyn Epperly: 50-1
Both have the looks, neither have the voice.
Siobahan Magnus: 25-1
Cape Cod represent! She definitely has the pipes but I don’t think she has the likability.
Jermaine Sellers: 25-1
He probably has the best male voice in the show but he may be too much of a diva.
Andrew Garcia: 25-1
When you cover Paula Abdul and get the video posted on this website you have already made it big. Andrew (above, center) is one of my favorites and I think he’ll be around for a long time, I just don’t see him pulling enough votes from the people who actually text the show.
Crystal Bowersox: 20-1
Like Andrew she is one of my favorites. The girl can sing and rock out on the guitar and I think she’ll give a bunch of memorable performances. That said, she’s too indie and her teeth are an abomination.
Lacey Brown (above, left): 20-1
She is definitely going to fill the punk quota in the Top 12 but the punk girl never wins, always an emotional 5th or 6th place.
Michael Lynche: 20-1
Big Mike is the man. He is going to get TONS of votes early on seeing how much air time he got during Hollywood week thanks to the birth of his baby. He is extremely entertaining and may go farther than any other guy, but like I said, it’s the year of the ladies.
Tim Urban: 20-1
Have you seen this kid? He’s like Jonathan Taylor-Thomas circa 1996 and he can sign. 13-year-old girls are going to stay up all night texting votes for him, posing the most serious threat to the women.
Michelle Delamor: 15-1
They barely showed her during Hollywood week so I don’t have much analysis, except she may look too much like Jordin Sparks. How many times to I have to say it? AMERICA WANTS CHANGE! If she avoids an early exit she could certainly make a run though.
Paige Miles: 15-1
Great smile, great voice. I like her to start slow and then heat up come tournament time. Very much like a Tom Izzo team.
Didi Benami: 15-1
She has the best mix of looks, voice and back-story. Still I just don’t think she is going to be able to sing well enough when it comes down to it. Look for her to make a run at the Top 5 but I don’t think she is your next American Idol. Carrie Underwood set the bar too high for cute blondes.
Katie Stevens: 9-1
The judges anointed her the front-runner and I don’t disagree. That said, it takes a special toughness to go wire-to-wire and generally 17-year-olds from Middlebury, Connecticut aren’t all that tough.
Ashley Rodriguez: 5-1
The field is still too big to call her the odds-on favorite, but she has been my girl from the beginning so I’m sticking with her. If the Chelsea, MA native doesn’t win she will DEFINITELY make me look good on my Top 3 prediction. She has the look and the voice, but more importantly the look. Brace yourselves America, it’s Ash-Rod time.
I’m changing up the format this week. I still have a few questions but mostly just aimless observations…
The 2 biggest questions I had from last night were #1) How did Locke end up in the wheelchair in the “flash side-ways universe” (FSU), and #2) How did Ben end up as a history teacher?
First, we’ll focus on FSU Locke. I knew his life was different than we remembered it when he cracked an ironic smile while lying helplessly on his front lawn amidst the sprinklers. I was about to yell “Cue Peg Bundy!” when she appeared to help him. In the original time line of the show they broke up when John couldn’t stop obsessing over his father (Season 2, Episode 17), which was obviously before Locke was thrown out the window and before he got on Oceanic 815. This adds to the evidence of the castaway’s having slightly different pre-Oceanic 815 lives in the FSU than they did in the original time line; like Shannon staying in Australia, Hurley being lucky, etc.
But back to the question…how did he end up paralyzed? Locke’s fiance clearly states that they should have his father at the wedding, meaning he couldn’t have pushed him out the window. So what DID happen???
The other question I have goes a lot deeper, because it deals with what exactly happened to the Island from FSU 1977-2004. Did “The Incident” (Juliet setting off the nuke) create the FSU? We know that the Island is currently at the bottom of the ocean but we don’t have proof that the nuke caused that. And bringing it back to Ben as the history teacher, what happened to the non-flashers that were on the island in 1977?
The flashers (Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Juliet, Miles, Jin and Sayid) obviously re-joined the original time line’s present day, but we don’t know the fate of the Others and Dharma peeps in the FSU. We can assume that Ethan, who we know was a baby when Dr. Pierre Chang listened to Daniel Farraday and evacuated the women and children from the Island pre-Incident, was one of the people that got off safely, explaining how he could be Claire’s doctor in the FSU.
But what about Ben? The last we left him in 1977 he had been taken to the Temple by Richard and then Widmore told him that he was one of them now. Could he have been returned to Dharmaville in time to board a submarine with the rest of the children, allowing him to lead a normal life as a history teach 27 years later? According to Lostpedia’s July 1977 Post-return time line, Ben was saved by the Others on Day 3 and it wasn’t until late on Day 4 that The Incident occurred, making it possible that Ben got on that sub. We won’t know the fate of non-flashers who stayed on the Island until we have a run-in with FSU Widmore or Eloise, or perhaps evidence that they were never heard from after 1977.
Now that I got all that out here are some rapid-fire observations…
* Sawyer was the man, again. I love how he can kill a bottle of whiskey and still be the only guy smart enough to figure out that old Locke was scared and confused and new Locke grew a pair and was a confident guy.
* Who was the kid in the jungle? Jacob as a boy, perhaps? When he said “You know the rules, you can’t kill him” maybe he was referring to Sawyer. Perhaps it was Jacob reminding MonsterLocke that he can’t kill candidates?? I’m reaching here.
* Back to the whole MonsterLocke needing to find the loophole to kill Jacob…I really hope we get more explanations there and that it ties in directly with why Widmore and Ben can’t kill each other.
* When Jacob said “They’re coming” before his death he most likely meant The Candidates (Hurley, Sawyer, Sayid, Jack, and Jin or Sun) and not Ilana and her crew.
* Why wasn’t Kate’s name in the cave? She was special enough to flash out of the Ajira plane and special enough for Jacob to have visited her and manipulated her to get on Oceanic 815, but apparently no longer a candidate.
* I’m guessing Jin is the candidate and not Sun because she didn’t flash out of Ajira, but who knows…
* I guess that explains The Numbers…a little bit.
* Richard made it clear to Sawyer that MonsterLocke “wants all of them dead.” We have to assume that by killing (or having someone else kill) all of the candidates that it could somehow free MonsterLocke to go home. It is becoming more and more likely that THIS is the “war” that Widmore was talking about with Locke (Season 5, Episode 7). Does that mean Widmore is on the Monster’s side?
* It is becoming increasingly clear that Richard isn’t all that powerful and doesn’t know all that much. He certainly has more answers than the Others like to give the Survivors (or us viewers, for that matter) but he is certainly not a strong force, especially with Jacob dead.
* Frank Lapidis has been KILLING his 1 line per episode, a la Creed from The Office.
* Was that Walt who directed Locke to the teacher’s lounge? Kind of looked like him…racism not intended. Even if it wasn’t him it was definitely a sly jab from the creators to make sure nobody fell asleep.
* I love how EVERY person they reveal in the FSU is somebody we know. Ethan is the doctor, Rose at the temp agency…I was half expecting to see Sayid driving Kate’s cab (racism intended). Seriously, they basically had to blur out the face of the guy who delivered Locke’s luggage because they didn’t want viewers to get excited and start theorizing, like “Wait, pause it! Was that one of Widmore’s men!?!”
* MonsterLocke told Sawyer that “People seldom get a 2nd chance.” I think that’s important. What is also important is the way he described Sawyer’s 3 options when it comes to his candidacy. While he is likely deceiving him and simply recruiting a soldier, it is very possible that he was honest when he said that the Island was just an island and didn’t need to be protected from anything. This could go back to the timeless struggle between Jacob and his nemesis, exemplified by the white and black rocks. If you read anything in this post read this: I think the series will come down to the key disagreement between Jacob and his nemesis:
“They come, fight, they destroy, they corrupt. It always ends the same.”
“It only ends once. Everything that happens before that is just progress.”
I’ll leave you with a scene between Jack and Locke that looks eerily similar to the exchange between Jacob and his nemesis…
And with a prediction…Jack will be the winning Candidate. Sheppard in ‘07!!!
But today you can check out this awesome (however long) article about a guy who tries to vanish in the digital age.
ALSO, don’t miss an interview I gave (yes, I was the subject) at 21st Century Breakdown, a blog about blogging. I’m not sure what it says about my initiative that I haven’t gotten around to interviewing anybody else yet, but it’s nice to be recognized, however slightly.
R.I.P. Doug Fieger
Feb 15
From now on the 3rd Monday of every February will be known as Presidents & Sharona Day.
Bardo Bleeds Green
Feb 12
The NBA, where rumors happen! It feels like the high school hallways, come trade deadline week. Who’s with who behind closed doors? Is that 3 way deal really going down? Today, a rumor circulating the interwebs suggested that the Celtics might take part in a blockbuster with the Wizards. We would send Ray Allen, Brian Scalabrine, and JR Giddens to DC for Antwan Jamison and Caron Butler (and for the record, Danny Ainge shot down these rumors pretty quickly)
Undoubtedly, the trade would shake things up all over the league. A less myopic blog would talk about those ramifications, who then would need to step up and make a deal, and how this would affect the Eastern Conference. Not here.
To me, one of the interesting things about this trade was the idea of getting rid of JR Giddens, the “who’s that?” of the deal. Giddens was the Celtics 2008 first round draft pick from New Mexico. If you still don’t know the name, it’s probably because he’s played a whole 107 minutes in his year and a half. Desmond wouldn’t even have had to push the button twice in Gidden’s entire career on the floor.
Trading Giddens, shouldn’t be a big shock, because that’s been the Celtics MO for almost 10 years. A report card of the Celtics’ drafts in the aughts, would contain mostly N/As. A quick breakdown:
2001- Celtics draft Joe Johnson, Kedrick Perkins, and Joe Forte in the first round. 2 are out of the league within a couple years and Joe Johnson became an annual All-Star for a team that owns the Celtics right now. We traded him after half of a season.
2003- Celtics draft Dahntay Jones from Duke and trade him before ever playing a single game. Jones is now a solid rotation guy for the Pacers, who signed him after a great year with the Nuggets.
2005- Celtics draft Gerald Green and Ryan Gomes. Green can jump out of the gym, which we know, only because we saw him in the yearly Dunk Contest. Gomes, gets slightly more time than Green, before both are traded with Al Jefferson.
2006- Celtics draft Randy Foye and immediately trade him for Theo Ratliff, a proven, veteran non-factor, and Sebastian Telfair, a young, upstart non-factor. Foye turns into a double digit scorer and solid role player.
2007- Celtics draft and trade Jeff Green for Ray Allen, which worked out for everyone (a title for us, and Green is great for the Thunder). Celtics also draft Gabe Pruitt who rides pine for a little over a year before the Celtics let him go.
2008- Celtics draft the aforementioned JR Giddens. Oh and we also picked some guy from Turkey who is still playing there.
2009- Celtics draft Lester Hudson who is released after 16 games and 22 points. He has already been picked up by the Grizzlies and is playing more and scoring more in Memphis.
Of course there are the exceptions to the trend. Rajon Rondo impacted the Celtics right away with his uptempo pace and Al Jefferson was Paul Pierce’s only reliable asset until he was traded away. And that’s my point; these two guys were and are a couple of the best players in the league. Jefferson’s departure was necessary in getting the 07 title, but I find it less than coincidental that the guys who got early and often run with the C’s were the biggest contributors to the team (Other players not mentioned: Delonte West, now a starter in Cleveland and Tony Allen, the annual Mr. Inconsistent for the Celts).
I don’t mind if we say goodbye to JR Giddens within the next seven days (the deadline is the 18th), but in the future, I wish the guys we draft, actually make it on the Boston parquet a little more often before we send them to be productive for our opponents.
