by Josh Bard


Big day tomorrow for millions of American unintentionally setting our nation back even farther… its the season premier of American Idol. Hooray!!

I seriously do not understand how people watch this show. For the next couple weeks, viewers are inundated with

Idol tryouts, 90 percent of which are failures. Failures in the sense that they do not get a ticket to Hollywood and failures in the sense that they waited in day-long lines for a thirty second audition and the minute chance their appearance make air. Have I mentioned that a bunch of the aired auditions and contestant profiles are embellished by producers for extra “laughs”? Those Pizza hut commercials where they “trick” people into loving their pizza and pasta are more believable (because if I was tricked into eating Pizza Hut pasta at a fancy LA restaurant, I’m sure my reaction would be a rousing standing O).

Then finally, after weeks of two-hour specials filled with pitchy shenanigans (OMG look there’s the guy who doesn’t know he sucks! LOL, here comes the goth chick with the mom who swears at Simon!!) we get to the actual contest and witness actual borderline talent. This is decidedly the least popular part of the show, yet millions of Americans who can’t tell you where Darfur is, who haven’t voted in a Presidential election, who haven’t read anything without glossy photos in years, will spend 99 cents to text in a vote (up to five times equals $4.95 for the Idol fans in the house). It will be interesting, though, to see if middle Americans will still text away five bucks a week, with the recession devouring everything in its path.


And don’t go playing the ‘elitist’ card on me, Sarah Palin. I still eat my Kraft singles one slice at a time, its just that this Fox show is the lowest common denominator. Six months, a bajillion text messages, three Paula Abdul sex-scandal rumors, and one staged audience member crying later, and we will have a winner. A winner that may be as popular as Carrie Underwood or as momentary as Fantasia I don’t even know her last name. This is what 30 million plus people will care about more than anything for the next several months.


Meanwhile there are better choices for TV out there. LOST comes back soon and no event that isn’t the Inauguration is more important in January. How I Met Your Mother is in another stellar season, delivering the most enjoyable 30 minutes a week. Flight of the Conchords comes back Sunday after a momentum-killing hiatus. The Office is a DVR staple thanks only to Andy Bernard these days; yes I’m talking to you soft relationship Jim. If action is your thing and you can stomach eventual let down, Bauer is back for another run of 24. And finally 30 Rock was validated last night as the comedy cream of the crop.

And if you can’t get past the lack of reality TV on the buffet, check in on MTV. Laugh if you want to but MTV’s Bromance with Brody Jenner, is thoroughly enjoyable. Its premised as a bunch of dudes trying win the role of a lifetime, friends with Brody and his playboy lifestyle included. The show sticks to its roots of “men behaving badly” with nights of drinking, talk of female conquests, semi-athletic competitions, and the candor of a guy’s night out. The occasional sappy moment is quickly negated by a blow up doll, bikini model, or contestant puking into a paper bag, AKA television gold. If that’s not enough The Duel II is slated for early spring.

So we all have a choice to make Tuesday, and for the days to follow. As a nation will we blindly throw our televisions to Fox’s recycled, brainless popularity search for a pop star or we can stray from our past or demand something better? Its time for change, act accordingly.