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Archive for category Boston Mike
Star-Studded Mailbag Part II
Mar 10
Hey Jackass,
Since the only time you blog anymore is to answer mailbag questions, here ya go: What did you think of Lost last night?
Namaste,
The Smoke Monster
I’m glad you asked. While last night may haven’t been the most well-written episode of this final season, it was definitely the “Ah-ha!” show that we were all looking for. If you watched last night and didn’t think “Ahh, now I get where this season is going” then I feel bad for you.
You can totally see the sides forming on the Island. MonsterLocke clearly has Claire and Sayid on his team, the group of Others, and perhaps Kate by default. Jack, Hurley and Richard have joined a pathetically yet charmingly deflated Ben, along with Sun, Miles, Ilana and Frank. This certainly seems like the war that Widmore was speaking of.
As for Widmore, it was good to see him enter the mix for the stretch run. It also seems like he could very easily be on MonsterLocke’s team, as he spotted the crew on the beach but then continued on course, perhaps to the Hyrda Island where they could dock and meet up with the “bad guys” (or good guys, I’m not sure).
As for the flash-sideways universe (FSU), I think I finally get it. I had been waiting for the 2 worlds to converge, but I think it’s time to just appreciate it for what it is. I’m not saying that the characters aren’t still tied to the Island or each other, but I am done wondering when it will all make sense. Clearly, the FSU is being used (poignantly, I might add) to show these characters for what they really are. We are getting to see them as real people, stripped down, and without 5 crazy seasons of Island craziness to influence them. We are seeing who they are at their core, and who they would have been in the regular universe had the Island/Jacob not entered their lives.
On the Island, Ben chose Jacob over his daughter. He chose to save the Island over being a loving father. Thanks to last night’s episode (for my money Michael Emerson’s best performance of the series) we learned that deep-down Ben would choose compassion over power. If all the FSU does is continue to teach us about the characters that we have grown attached to then I certainly won’t complain.
A few more quick notes:
- Sun needs to stop asking questions. We get it. You’re looking for Jin. And you don’t know anything. You’re confused. You don’t get it. Now shut the fuck up.
- Alex looked HOT in the FSU. It’s like the difference between a good looking Survivor contestant on Day 39 and then at the reunion show. Kudos.
- Do you think the characters have scheduled bye weeks? Like did Sawyer look at the shooting schedule and say “Nice, I get to play golf Week 6!”?
- Ilana can calm down. I get that the guy you worshiped just died. I get that he was your father-figure, and that you were supposed to protect him. But chill, will ya?
- Since when did Jack become the man? He went from constantly complaining and asking questions and going on pointless missions to a true American bad-ass. Pounding poison pills in people’s faces and lighting dynamite before casual conversations??? This isn’t the Jack I remember. But I like this guy. I really do.
- I love that Miles snagged Nikki and Paulo’s diamonds. That’s the kind of shit that separates the fans from the fanatics. Either way that was a classic throw-in.
- I have heard people complaining about this season, saying they don’t like the FSU, don’t like where it’s headed, blah blah blah. You know what? Stop watching if you don’t like it. Oh, what was that? You can’t stop? Because you’re obsessed? Because all week you look forward to Tuesday at 9:18?? That’s what I thought. Just shut the fuck up and enjoy it. Not like you could write it any better.
S(FP)G,
What do you think about season 2 of the Jersey Shore taking place in Miami?
Sincerely,
Snookers
Hey girl! Honestly, I like that the show is hitting the road, since you can only go to Karma so many times before wearing out your welcome. That said, you guys may fit in a little too well in Miami. Tanned, juiced muscleheads aren’t exactly an exotic breed on South Beach. I’m not sure if the show will work now that you guys will fit in better. Also, I’m interested to see how 1) you all react to being celebrities, and 2) how Miami reacts to having you guys there now that you’re all famous. I don’t think anybody is going to be punching you or making fun of Pauly this season, I think there will be too much love and too little drama.
That said, if MTV showed an hour of you guys waiting in line at the DMV every Thursday I would tune in. So you can pretty much do no wrong. Think of this season at your Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret of the Ooze. Everyone in your target audience is going to watch no matter what, just try to make it entertaining. Go guido, go guido, GO!!!
Mike,
Do you remember this commercial?
It’s Mac from Always Sunny!
-Matt in Nashville
I 100% remember that commercial. Great find. Wow. Great find.
Hey Sports Fan Paradise Guy,
Just wanted to say hi. You busy this weekend? Want to hang out?
- Corey Feldman
Dude…too soon.
Hey SFPG,
So after posting the Baywatch themed Lost intro yesterday I can’t get the song stuck out of my head. Anyway we can all agree that its a travesty that Baywatch hasnt been remade yet. What will be harder to figure out who should be cast in said remake. I know if anyone has the intersection of breasts and television in their wheelhouse, its you, so impress us with SFP’s 2010 Baywatch Cast.
Yours,
Bardo
ANSWER COMING TOMORROW…STAY TUNED
As you may have noticed I haven’t really been blogging all that much recently. I assure you, it isn’t because I don’t care about the Sports Fan Paradise franchise (’Disechise, as Bardo and I affectionately call it)(Just kidding we don’t), but because responsibilities at my real job (the one that actually pays me) have grown increasingly strenuous. Don’t feel like I’ve given up on blogging and turning this into something more substantial, because I haven’t, but I may be looking to outsource the day-to-day quips and clips to some fresh talent. Sort of like how Michael took over for Omar…or more realistically how Dukie became the new Bubbles.
Anyway, that’s just talk for now, I haven’t decided anything. The nice part about blogging is that you can’t get fired (unless you’re the Insneider) and there is nobody to tell you when to write (unless you’re Karaoke Craig. Seriously dude…200 words about anything…please).
The only reason that I’m writing now is because I don’t have to go to work (it’s Saturday) and I didn’t go out drinking last night (it’s not a typical Saturday). My girlfriend had never seen The Godfather so we stayed in to watch it last night. I felt like it was my duty to educate her. Thankfully she has already seen 3 seasons of The Wire so it was easy to explain the structure of the Corleone crime family:
Me: “Vito is at the top, like Avon Barksdale. Tom Hagen is like Stringer Bell, he is the top adviser to the Don.”
GF: “Who is Don?”
Me: “No, Vito is THE Don.”
GF: “And those two?”
Me: “Clemenza and Tessio, they take orders from Vito through Tom and have people under them that do the dirty work, sort of like Stinkum and D’Angelo.”
GF: “Does Clemenza have a Bodie?”
Me: “Yeah, in the book, but he’s not in the movie.”
GF: “Oh, OK…what about that big guy…Luke Abratzy?”
Me: “Luca Brasi?”
GF: “Yeah”
Me: “Wee-Bey.”
Anyway, long story short I woke up hung-under on a beautiful Saturday morning and figured I’d throw something up on the site. A question sent to my personal email from my buddy Andy in L.A. inspired me to do a mailbag, so here it is…
Mike,
I just got done eating an Arby’s Beef N Cheddar with Curly Fries. It was excellent. Rank your favorite fast food chains taking into account proximity, taste, price, abundance, exoticness and “the hour after” feeling.
-Andy
Good question. You caught me a month into my annual health kick so this will be a very difficult question to answer without salivating. I’m not the guy who works out and eats healthy for 4 weeks and then just has to go to the gym and can’t even remember why he ever ate crappy food. Just the opposite actually. The more I work out the more I hate it, and the more I eat 5 small healthy meals a day the more I want to willingly enter a massive food coma thanks to a 20″ Capone’s Steak and Cheese sub.
If there are any typos in the rest of this post it’s just the drool sticking to the keys. I apologize in advance.
#1) McDonalds - 4.5 stomach grumbles
I am ranking my favorites based on Andy’s 6-star system, and Mickey D’s comes in first with 4 and a half. It crushes all others in abundance and proximity, no matter where you are in the country (or world for that matter). I am a gigantic fan of the taste: fries are amazing, nuggets bring me back to my childhood and the Filet O Fish is still the GFFSOAT (Greatest Fast-Food Sandwich of All Time). A wise man once said, there are 2 types of people in the world, people who love Battlestar Galactica and people who have never seen it. I feel the same about the FOF: everybody who hates on it has never tried it, and everybody who has tried it loves it. The value meals can get a little expensive, especially when you throw 2 extra FOFs on the side, but the dollar menu does enough to earn McD’s a star for price. It loses out on exoticness (besides bringing back the McRib there’s not much they can do differently to satisfy me) and only earns half a star for “the hour after feeling” because you never feel good after, but it certainly isn’t as bad as some other places.
#2) Kelly’s Roast Beef - 4 stomach grumbles
With all respect to Arby’s it has nothing on Kelly’s in Revere. While Kelly’s gets a point for proximity (just northeast of my Charlestown apartment) it gets nothing for abundance, since you can only get it in Mass. The rarity does earn it a point for exoticness, and they should probably get bonus points for taste. Whether you go with the classic roast beef, the fish sandwich or the double burger (made famous by Morgan in Good Will Hunting) you can’t go wrong. I’m not giving them a point for price, because a meal there has crept toward $10 which is too much for fast food, but the after effects are minimal, so they finish up with a good score.
#3) Taco Bell - 3.5 stomach grumbles
Abundance: Check. They’re all over the place.
Proximity: No check. The only ones around Boston are connected to a KFC and everybody knows those are half-assed 2nd-rate shitholes.
Taste: Check. I love it. Can’t help it.
Price: Huge check. They have like a 29 cent menu. It’s absurd.
Exoticness: Half a check. I didn’t have the Bell until college so it’s still relatively new to me. And they throw new shit on the menu pretty often.
Hour After Feeling: No check whatsoever. I have to designate 2 hours minimum to the porcelain throne after a Taco Bell trip, but I usually plan to go right after a new Sports Illustrated comes out, so its all good.
#4) Chick-fil-A - 3 stomach grumbles
Abundance: Half a check. I guess they’re all over the place but you never say to your buddy “wow, another Chick-fil-A”…just doesn’t happen
Proximity: No checks. I’m not going all the way to Burlington or Peabody for a chicken sandwich. Next closest is New Hampshire and then Jersey.
Taste: Huge check. Just get the classic. Can’t go wrong.
Price: Check.
Exoticness: Same there every time. Can’t give a check for this.
Hour After Feeling: Half a check. Like Mick Deez it’s not great, but it’s like Dubai compared to Taco Bell’s Fallujah.
#5) In-N-Out Burger: 3 stomach grumbles
Abundance: On the west coast, I guess. Doesn’t help me.
Proximity: Michigan.
Taste: Unreal.
Price: Relatively expensive.
Exoticness: Put it this way, I’ve been to the Baseball Hall of Fame more times than In-N-Out.
Hour After: Still in heaven.
IN PART II OF THE MAILBAG I CHECK THE SFP EMAIL ADDRESS FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A MONTH AND FIND SOME VERY INTERESTING QUESTIONS…STAY TUNED…
DOWN GOES FRAZIER!!!
Feb 25
Sad day. Sad day indeed. I guess you gotta know something about music to predict this shit. She had the look though. She had the fuckin look. Cue Michelle Delamor?
That’s right, a bunch of knuckleheads in Virginia Beach actually let me take Ash-Rod #3 overall, AFTER Lacey Brown! Can somebody give me a Sam Bowie!?! (Look it up girls).
Now that I have my stud, along with fan-favorites Big Mike and Haeley Vaughn and sleeper Paige Miles, I am ready to make a run at my first AIFL title. Hopefully my past MTV RW/RR Challenge Fantasy League success will translate on a different stage. Sort of like how Shaun White is also a nasty skateboarder.
Of course everyone in the league turned to me to come up with the rules, so being the experienced fantasy commish this shouldn’t be a problem:
Survive an episode (until Top 12): 1 pt
Survive an episode (post-Top 12): 3 pts
In the bottom 3 (up until Final 5): -1 pt
In the bottom 2 (up until Final 4): -2 pts
Standing ovation from judges: 3 pts per judge
Finish 2nd: 5 pts
Become the next American Idol: 10 points
There you have it. Set in stone.
El Pres over at Barstool also handicapped this season, giving Ash-Rod 30-1 odds and picking Siobhan Magnus to win. I’m a dedicated Stoolie but he is way off.
I’m going with Chocolate Thunder for a team name. It’s domination time.
Where do you go from here if you’re Canadian? Seriously, like hockey was your thing. What’s next? Is Bertucci’s going to start serving better Italian food than Italy?
I know it was just a preliminary game but still, if an entire nation is going to put all their bacon in one basket they better DOMINATE that basket. Hockey is like the 8th most popular sport in this country. I hadn’t even heard of anybody on Team USA. All the guys on Team Canada were guys I thought were American. Just sad is all it is.
American Idol Preseason Odds
Feb 19
I have never claimed to know anything about music. I can’t tell which contestant is a better singer. I am tone deaf. But like I said on January 13th, I have my finger on the pulse of America. It’s a gift, I guess.
In that same post I guaranteed that Ashley Rodriguez would make it to the top 3. This was after the season premiere, after only seeing 1 city (mine) audition. It was as ballsy a call as I have ever made but I am sticking with it. I can’t tell the difference between an alto and a soprano but I know reality TV like I know the back of my hand, and I know the back of my hand very very well. I was sleeping on it just a minute ago.
American Idol, like anything, goes through phases. There is an ebb and a flow. The last 2 years have been all-male finals, with an edgy rocker against a kid who looked 12-years-old. This year is a ladies’ year, I feel it in my bones.
With that in mind, here are my odds as of 2/19. These are based somewhat on scattered memories of their auditions but mostly based on the picture on the AI website.
That’s how easy this shit is sometimes.
Alex Lambert: 100-1
For the same reason a guy named Jim McCain won’t be a strong candidate for president in 2012. America votes for change.
Casey James: 100-1
Has the look, but not the voice. Anybody this shocked every time he advances doesn’t have “it”.
Aaron Kelly: 100-1
Too young, too David Archuleta.
Todrick Hall: 100-1
Too dramatic.
John Park: 100-1
Too token.
Lee Dewyze: 100-1
Too Karaoke.
Lilly Scott (below, right): 100-1
She looks like a cross between Harry from Dumb & Dumber and the Albino from the Pit of Despair in Princess Bride.
Tyler Grady: 100-1
I like the 70’s rocker thing and I think America will enjoy hearing him cover songs. Definitely a Top-12 candidate but he doesn’t have the voice to win.
Joe Munoz: 100-1
I think he is different enough (see: Latino) that he will make the Top 12. He is also young enough (20) to mature before America’s eyes and make a run. But still a long shot.
Haeley Vaughn: 25-1
Like Munoz, she is different (see: black country singer). She will have some great performances and some terrible ones and stick around for a while, but she doesn’t have the experience to win.
Janell Wheeler: 50-1
Katelyn Epperly: 50-1
Both have the looks, neither have the voice.
Siobahan Magnus: 25-1
Cape Cod represent! She definitely has the pipes but I don’t think she has the likability.
Jermaine Sellers: 25-1
He probably has the best male voice in the show but he may be too much of a diva.
Andrew Garcia: 25-1
When you cover Paula Abdul and get the video posted on this website you have already made it big. Andrew (above, center) is one of my favorites and I think he’ll be around for a long time, I just don’t see him pulling enough votes from the people who actually text the show.
Crystal Bowersox: 20-1
Like Andrew she is one of my favorites. The girl can sing and rock out on the guitar and I think she’ll give a bunch of memorable performances. That said, she’s too indie and her teeth are an abomination.
Lacey Brown (above, left): 20-1
She is definitely going to fill the punk quota in the Top 12 but the punk girl never wins, always an emotional 5th or 6th place.
Michael Lynche: 20-1
Big Mike is the man. He is going to get TONS of votes early on seeing how much air time he got during Hollywood week thanks to the birth of his baby. He is extremely entertaining and may go farther than any other guy, but like I said, it’s the year of the ladies.
Tim Urban: 20-1
Have you seen this kid? He’s like Jonathan Taylor-Thomas circa 1996 and he can sign. 13-year-old girls are going to stay up all night texting votes for him, posing the most serious threat to the women.
Michelle Delamor: 15-1
They barely showed her during Hollywood week so I don’t have much analysis, except she may look too much like Jordin Sparks. How many times to I have to say it? AMERICA WANTS CHANGE! If she avoids an early exit she could certainly make a run though.
Paige Miles: 15-1
Great smile, great voice. I like her to start slow and then heat up come tournament time. Very much like a Tom Izzo team.
Didi Benami: 15-1
She has the best mix of looks, voice and back-story. Still I just don’t think she is going to be able to sing well enough when it comes down to it. Look for her to make a run at the Top 5 but I don’t think she is your next American Idol. Carrie Underwood set the bar too high for cute blondes.
Katie Stevens: 9-1
The judges anointed her the front-runner and I don’t disagree. That said, it takes a special toughness to go wire-to-wire and generally 17-year-olds from Middlebury, Connecticut aren’t all that tough.
Ashley Rodriguez: 5-1
The field is still too big to call her the odds-on favorite, but she has been my girl from the beginning so I’m sticking with her. If the Chelsea, MA native doesn’t win she will DEFINITELY make me look good on my Top 3 prediction. She has the look and the voice, but more importantly the look. Brace yourselves America, it’s Ash-Rod time.
